unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships can drain us physically, emotionally and spiritually, while letting go of them empowers us to shift our reality and create space for new relationships that enhance our growth.
Releasing unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships with love and integrity, can teach us how to forgive the past, heal ourselves, and generate positive energy to progress on our path toward greater growth and fulfillment. If we do not break clean from an unhealthy relationship and stop investing energy in it, we will continue to desperately keep it alive while knowing in our hearts that our spirit has already left it, causing us to feel dead inside.
Many relationships come to a pivotal point when one person has grown to such a degree that the other partner needs to transform as well or the relationship will be in jeopardy. Usually the partner resists the natural shift that is occurring by creating distraction or drama, which ignites tension and conflict. At this crossroads, one or both partners may choose to end the relationship or use the creative energy that has been awakened to transform the relationship.
unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships is often challenging. For one thing, there is the matter of loyalty or fear of not finding another relationship. Even when we know it is in our best interest to let go of someone we loved and move on, thoughts of doing so trigger upheaval, such as feelings resentment, anger, disappointment, abandonment, or sadness. This is especially true if the partners are in different stages of emotional or spiritual growth or if they disagree about terminating the relationship. One may feel ready to release the relationship, while the other person, terrified of change, is adamantly holding on to it. In this scenario, one partner will stop at nothing to block the ending of the relationship, resistance that causes conflict and prevents healing. As a result, much energy is spent on judging and blaming, which only produces more complications in ending the relationship.
In addition, many people are influenced by the myth that the passionate, divine union of souls they envision, as their ideal is an unattainable dream or a perfect script for a movie. Consequently, they convince themselves that their relationship is “as good as it gets” and settle for less.
Society itself encourages people to remain in unfulfilling relationships by perpetuating the myth that you should “stay and work it out” or “remain loyal to the family” even when the relationship is supporting self-destructive patterns or is incompatible with the partners’ emotional or spiritual needs. But, when families and friends support the status quo they are usually motivated, either consciously or unconsciously, by the desire to keep their own lives unaffected by changes resulting form the breakup, especially financial or emotional burdens. When partners yield to such societal demands to remain in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships, they sacrifice their individual dreams, which ultimately stifle their growth.
In preparing to release unhealthy and/or unfulfilling relationships, it is important to remember that the demise of the relationship
cannot be blamed on one partner. The old adage “It takes two to tango” holds true because each person is accountable for the direction the relationship has taken regardless of who is dissolving it. When both people take full responsibility for every choice in their lives, including being in the relationship in the first place, then there are no victims, and peaceful coexistence is possible.
There are several ways to evaluate whether an unhealthy and unfulfilling relationship is worth keeping and working on or if it is so dependent on history and patterns, and so fraught with incompatibilities that we need to terminate and release it.
- “Is this relationship appropriate to my true being and for this period of my life?”
- “Does this relationship affirm and enhance my well-being?”
- “Does this person love, trust, and support me with integrity?”
- “Do I feel good about myself when I am with this person?”
If the answers are yes, then it is worth maintaining the relationship. If the answers are maybe, observe more and remain in touch with the person for the time being. If the answers are no, release the relationship, wishing the other person a happy life.
The following are guidelines for completing a relationship with unconditional love, respect, and integrity:
- Give ourself permission to let go of the relationship without experiencing guilt, fear, shame, or hopelessness.
- Trust ourself, listen to our heart, and use our expanded conscious awareness to guide us.
- Choose a safe and neutral place to communicate our desire to end the relationship as clearly and honestly as possible.
- Allow sufficient time for each partner’s adjustment to any changes that result from dissolution of the relationship.
- Bless the relationship as we release it, transcending any negativity about the other person or the relationship.
Releasing patterns and unresolved grievances frees us to discover and support our true being. Then, listening to our heart, we are guided to see that we are responsible for cocreating our own reality, and we make more discerning choices for a more fulfilling life.