Families Online Magazine

Another example, is when a man can't find his keys (ketchup, glasses, etc.) and yells across the house to his wife, "Where did you put my xyz?"  She replies exactly where it is.  He says, "That's where I'm looking and it's NOT there."  She walks into the room and picks up the item exactly where she told him to look.  Generally women have better peripheral vision and men more of a tunnel vision.

So just a few tips from that book (and my counseling practice experience) that might make your relationship easier:

1)  Women--learn to ask for what you want and be specific.  State it in a sentence and not a question.

2)  Men--when you compliment a woman, add some specifics (color is great or style is attractive, etc.)  This will make her feel more appreciated.

3)  Women--when you are trying to resolve an argument with your spouse and he wants a break, give it to him.  Women tend to "stir the pot," and men don't communicate that way.  He probably needs time to mull over it and you can pick up the discussion later.

4)  Men--when you disagree with a woman, it's okay to tell her that; however, try not to talk in that 'stern' voice you may have.  You can say the same thing in your normal voice.

5) Women--when you want a man to do something, make a direct request.  When you get too wordy, it may confuse his thinking.

6)  Men--realize when women are stressed, they generally talk a lot.  All you have to do is listen and nod occasionally.  She is probably not asking for solutions--and will get annoyed if you give them to her.

7)  Women--quit asking men if the dress/pants/shorts etc. make you look big.  He can't win with that question plus you are capable of looking in the mirror!

8)  Men--sometimes you suggest a date night and you get the sitter and make the other needed arrangements.

Just a few thoughts from a counselor who for 30 years has noticed these patterns!  Happy Fall!

Copyright 2010, Sharon Scott.  No reproduction without written permission from author.

P.S.  Please see my other column on cyber-bullying.

Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, has been making a difference in peoples’ lives for 30 years though her international keynotes and workshops, her eight award-winning books, and her private counseling services. Five of her books are a charming series for elementary-age children that she "co-authored" with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas. Each beautifully illustrated book teaches a valuable living skill such as managing emotions in Life’s Not Always Fair, building character in Nicholas’ Values, and making wise choices in Too Smart for Trouble. Sharon’s best-seller for teens is How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed. Her books are available from HRD Press, 800-822-2801 or www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott . For more information on Sharon’s many workshop topics that she can bring to your child’s school or community, please see her website at www.SharonScott.com.