Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT - Helping Kids Handle Peer Pressure
In my column last month, “Peer Pressure Reversal: A Refresher,” I noted how subtle negative peer pressure is for children and teens. That makes it more difficult to manage as suddenly the child “gets the picture” concerning the trouble invitation and has to reply quickly—not much time to think.
So it’s imperative that children learn how to identify trouble quickly so that he or she can already be developing a response. Kids have got to know how to “save face” when saying “no” otherwise they are likely to accept the trouble maker’s idea.
Research shows that 87% of America’s youth fact at least one negative peer pressure situation every day! It include invitations to skip school, cheat on test, run in the halls, gossip, fight, go someplace off- limits, drink alcohol, be in a clique, copy homework, cuss, use drugs… and so much more.
I have spent the better part of my counseling career travelling to schools across the U.S. and abroad teaching students—and their teachers and parents—my proven effective “Peer Pressure Reversal” strategies. [Editor’s Note: please see sidebar for the many excellent, award-winning books counselor Scott has written for various ages on this important topic.] The first step of the skills teaches kids to Check Out the Scene.
Check Out the Scene teaches to look and listen for clues to trouble. For example, kids should notice if their friends lean in, look around, and begin whispering—why the secrecy? Is the trouble maker acting macho and bossy? Another thing to be aware of is when friend uses peer pressure “lines” on them such as “I thought you were my friend,” “We won’t get caught,” or “Are you chicken?” These dares are meant to reassure and many kids will buy into these lines and go along with the pressuring peer.
And how do you know if the invite in trouble? Well… if it breaks a law or will get a person in charge mad, then it’s trouble. People in charge include store keepers, teachers, bosses, parents, etc.
Begin introducing this concept of checking things out even while watching TV with your child. Ask, “Did you notice how that person was acting when they asked the other person to do the trouble?” Have your child identify what they noticed. You can also role-play asking them to do something wrong… but before you continue…. stop… and ask them what they think is going to happen next by the way you are acting.
Kids should also be taught how to check out the scene when in parking lots at malls or walking home alone—this is actually a major safety point.
More next month on step two.
Copyright © 1985-2011, Sharon Scott, Adapted in part from Peer Pressure Reversal, 2nd Ed. No reproduction without written permission from author.
P.S. Please see my other column “Calming Overreactions.”
Please Make Comments and Share It Below
Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, has been making a difference in peoples’ lives for 30 years though her international keynotes and workshops, her eight award-winning books, and her private counseling services. Five of her books are a charming series for elementary-age children that she "co-authored" with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas. Each beautifully illustrated book teaches a valuable living skill such as managing emotions in Life’s Not Always Fair, building character in Nicholas’ Values, and making wise choices in Too Smart for Trouble. Sharon’s best-seller for teens is How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed. Her books are available from HRD Press, 800-822-2801 or www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott . For more information on Sharon’s many workshop topics that she can bring to your child’s school or community, please see her website at www.SharonScott.com.
