By Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT
The last three columns have been devoted to my proven “Peer Pressure Reversal” skill that teaches children and teens how to effectively manage negative peer group pressure. It’s been pointed out that 87% of youth face at least one peer pressure situation every day
—from gossiping or cheating all the way to driving too fast or drinking alcohol, etc. Peer pressure begins young—it’s evident as soon as one child says to another, “If you don’t play this game with me, then you can just go home!” And, naturally, it intensifies in the teen years including decisions about skipping, fighting, bullying, vandalizing, stealing, lying to parents about destination, drugs, and more.
A parent cannot assume that if a child knows right from wrong that he will always act upon it. Peer pressure, although often subtle, is intense—and the fear of losing a friend has caused many a young person to do something he wouldn’t ordinarily do.
The next few columns will be devoted to teaching and practicing this technique so that our child will feel comfortable using it. {Editor’s Note: Sharon is the author of award-winning books on this subject—for parent, teen and child. Her parent guide is extremely detailed on how to teach/rehearse this with your son/daughter. See sidebar for ordering details.} We have covered the three main steps of “Peer Pressure Reversal:”
- Check Out The Scene
- Make A Good Decision
- Act To Avoid Trouble
One way to begin is after introducing the topic and presenting the skills (as outlined in earlier columns) is to give your child hypothetical situations and have them “walk though” the three steps.
Example: A friend, who looks worried, grabs you in the hall at school and then looks up and down the hall. The friend says, “Did you do your math? I know you did because you’re so smart in that class…” Ask your child:
- From Checking out the Scene, did you see or hear any clues for trouble? What?
- Tell me the good things and the bad things that could happen here depending on your decision.
- What are some things you could say or do to manage the negative peer pressure? Do you think you would lose your friend forever if you did that?
Continue to give some scenarios, appropriate to your child’s age, that would involve negative peer pressure and let them think it through. Next month we will take practicing this valuable life skill to a higher level. Stay tuned!
Copyright © 2011, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author. Gleaned in part from “Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.” and “How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed.” HRD Press, 800-822-2801.
