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Three Effective Ways to Reduce Anxiety and Depressed Mood
During
the Holidays
By Mark Lakewood, CEO
The holiday season is quickly approaching and many of us are preparing
for this joyous time of the year. Some may embrace the holidays with
cheer, hope, and thanksgiving while others may embrace the season with
burden, anxiety, and personal failure. This article addresses three
ways
you can overcome anxiety and depressed mood during the holidays.
The first and most effective way to avoid anxiety and depressed
mood is
to recognize unachievable and unrealistic expectations (unhealthy
thoughts) that you may
subscribe to. Our thoughts have a direct bearing over our emotional
disposition and
the consequences that occur in the aftermath. We often cannot change
circumstances (situations,
events, and the behavior of others) that occur in our
lives but we do have the power
to alter the way we
feel and react to them by simply changing the
way we think. If we would like to avoid experiencing anxiety and
depressed mood during the holidays, we must take ownership and
control over our own thoughts by identifying unhealthy thoughts that we
may subscribe to that might be contributing to a negative emotional
disposition and replace them with healthier ones.
Some may fear social rejection and judgment from others. Though others
may choose to judge negatively,
pondering on this thought can ultimately rob you of experiencing joy
and
happiness. The following are six common unachievable and unrealistic
expectations (unhealthy
thoughts) that are often pondered on during the
holidays:
1. "I need to spend a lot of money on gifts otherwise I might
be
perceived negatively by others" - It is a shame that so much
worry is attributed from the issue of money especially during
the holidays. We should not feel or be made to feel that the
holidays
are all about external/physical gifts. The most precious gift that we
can give
to one another is our fellowship and love (internal gifts).
No external/physical gift can replace
this. Internal gifts have a longer shelf life and increase our
self-esteem more than external/physical gifts. We must keep
this issue in the proper perspective otherwise we
can inadvertently teach others that external/physical gifts are more
precious
and desirable than our fellowship and love.
2. "For gatherings, my home must always be clean and tidy
otherwise
I might be perceived negatively by others" - It is never okay
to
invite guests to a filthy home. But expecting your home to be
constantly tidy might be an unrealistic expectation, especially when
children are present. Expecting such would only cause you anxiety
and depressed mood. Do not worry about the
cleanliness of your home
but rather focus on fellowship as this is much more important
and
significant.
3. "I must prepare a flawless meal for my gathering
otherwise I
might
be perceived negatively by others" - The quality of meals
should not be the main focus of the holidays. If food
preparation is an issue, there is nothing wrong with
purchasing meals from a restaurant. To go one step further, having a
potluck might be a better
and less expensive idea as your guests would be directly
involved with the food preparation by offering a variety of foods at
your gathering
freeing up time for fellowship.
4. "My physical appearance must be acceptable and appropriate
otherwise I might be perceived negatively by others" - Aside
from
daily hygiene, do not worry about your physical appearance. The
fellowship that you can give to one
another is much more important than your physical appearance. More
times than not, our own anxiety over our physical appearance has more
to do with how we feel about ourselves rather than how others may
perceive us.
5. "I need to bring a mate to the gathering otherwise I might
be
perceived negatively by others" - If you are single,
sometimes attending a gathering
by yourself where couples are present might make you feel uncomfortable
as you might feel that you do not fit in. Keep in mind that you are
not alone as there are many people that are divorced, separated, or
single. If having a mate was a prerequisite for gatherings, I guarantee
you that there would be a lot less gatherings! In addition,
avoiding gatherings would only rob you of the experience of possibly
meeting a potential mate.
6. "I need to pretend that I am happy during gatherings
otherwise I
might be perceived negatively by others" - Experiencing
happiness
is not a prerequisite for attending gatherings. Oftentimes, life events
and experiences that have nothing to do with the holidays may play a
direct role in your emotional disposition. The wonderful thing about
gatherings is that there are plenty of people that you can talk with.
If someone asks you how you are doing or feeling, be honest with them
and let them know. Do not tell them that everything is fine when it is
not. Oftentimes, having someone to discuss your problems with might
actually help you resolve them as well as make you feel better. Take
advantage of this opportunity.
If there are any other unhealthy thoughts that you might be dealing
with that are not discussed in this article, I encourage you to write
those thoughts down on a piece of paper writing a healthier thought
(one that you would like
to subscribe to) next to it. It would also be
a good idea for you to review these thoughts daily so that it becomes
easier to recognize and replace unhealthy thoughts.
The second way to avoid anxiety and depressed mood
is to establish personal and professional goals for yourself. There is
a lot to be said for New Year's resolutions. Establishing short and
long-term goals is a healthy idea because they can provide
you with structure by giving you something to look forward to. Goals
oftentimes give meaning to our lives. Those who do not have goals often
feel hopeless and helpless. Just make sure that the goals that you
establish are significant and achievable otherwise they will not be
effective or worth your while to achieve.
And finally, the third way to avoid anxiety and depressed
mood is to work at giving to others. Sometimes we are fooled
into believing that happiness is achieved through the gifts that we
receive or the items that we purchase. Just the opposite is true. You
can achieve true happiness by helping others in need, volunteering your
services, holding the hand of one in despair, or just simply being
there when one experiences a low moment in his/her life. Oftentimes, it
is not the words that we say that lifts one's spirit or gives one hope.
But rather, it is just being there that makes all the difference in
the world. At times, we feel uncomfortable because we do not know the
right words to say to those who are hurting. Words are not always
important. The fellowship and the love that you can provide is what the
holidays are all about. Let's not lose this perspective and let's not
give unhealthy thoughts, with all the anxiety and depressed mood that
goes along with them, the ability to rob us from experiencing the joy
and the happiness that we all deserve to experience during the
holidays. Happy holidays to all!
About the Author
Mark Lakewood, CEO of Building
Strong Families National Seminars, is a distinguished
bullying prevention expert, author, and speaker with over 20 years of
clinical experience as a family therapist. As a professional speaker,
Mr. Lakewood facilitates national seminars on family and school-related
issues. He facilitates
The "Standing Up To Bullying" Conference and The
Sudden Compliance Program Webinar Series .
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