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Parenting Expert Advice from Author and America's Nanny, Michelle LaRowe



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Babies don't come with instructions. And since today's parents are so overwhelmed with schedules and demands, they have little time to bone up on their parenting skills. Often removed from grandparents and relatives who in times past lived next door or just down the street, they have no one to guide them through the disorienting world of raising children. Enter Nanny to the Rescue! Michelle LaRowe, 2004 International Nanny Association "Nanny of the Year," gives her tried and true solutions to childcare. Her expertise with chapters titled "Who's the boss?" and "Discipline is not a four letter word" gives confidence to parents who need specific ideas for real day-to-day problems. A proud member of Christian Nannies, Michelle offers foundational truths sure to help encourge moms and dads.


Faced with multiple choices regarding school, friends, and activities coupled with the ever-widening influence of the outside world, parents of 6-12 year olds need help. America's nanny is back to offer a large dose of healthy parenting advice with secrets for raising happy, secure, and well-balanced children.

Baby Sleep Training

Over the years, I've had the privilege to guide many parents through sleep training their babies, and as a new mom myself, I've recently sleep trained my own.

My daughter first slept through the night at 5 weeks, 3 days old. But had I not had more than a decade of nanny experience under my belt, I could have quickly become one exhausted mom with a constantly cranky baby in tow.

Abigail started out sleeping well, in 5 or 6 hour segments at night. She was waking once like clockwork to eat. In the beginning, I believe she was truly hungry at 1 am, her tummy too small to stay full till morning. But over the course of several days, she began drinking less and less when she awoke.

The first night she woke up and just had a few sips, an internal switch flipped and I went from mommy mode to nanny mode. I knew she wasn't hungry and vowed not to fall habit to midnight snack attacks. I made my husband take the same vow.

Sure enough the next night, the same time, Abby stirred. We resisted will all of our might to feed her. We didn't and within two minutes, she drifted off back to sleep. She's now 3 months old and has been sleeping from 8:30 pm to 6 am since.

The point of the story?

Sleep training is much easier if you know what's going on with your baby and if you make a plan and stick with it.

1) Make sure all your baby's needs are met before putting her to bed. When your baby's needs are met, it can be easier to handle the crying that can often be a side effect of sleep training. Your baby should be changed and fed before bed and her room should be conducive to sleeping. Keep the room slightly cool, turn the lights off and always put your baby to sleep on her back, without any loose blankets. Instead use a swaddle blanket or sleep sack.

2) Know when your baby is able to sleep through the night. By three months, or once a baby weighs about 12 pounds, they are usually physically able to sleep through the night. If your baby is waking up and only eating a few sips, chances are she's not really hungry and you may want to see what happens if you skip that feed.

3) Realize when a bad habit is setting in. If your baby is waking up and just taking a little sip of milk or formula, chances are she's not really hungry. Continuing to feed your baby in the middle of the night, when she's not really hungry, will just reinforce waking to eat.

4) Let your baby fall asleep in her crib or sleep space. You want your baby to learn to fall asleep on her own, and she won't be able to learn how to if you're rocking her to sleep. Instead, once she's groggy put her down, allowing her to fall asleep on her own in her own space.

5) If your baby awakes and doesn't need to eat, don't pick her up. Reassure your baby that you are there by gently patting her on the back and whispering "Mommy is here". Don't turn the lights on. Once your baby is calm, but still awake, leave the room. If she cries again, wait a few minutes and repeat the steps above. Continue waiting a few more minutes before going to her each time she cries, and eventually, she'll learn to fall back to sleep on her own.

6) Know how much babies really need to sleep. According to Dr. Richard Ferber, young babies need 12 to 13 hours per day to sleep and by six months, most sleep 11 to 12 hours total. Read more here. http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/june04/sleepless.html

I can tell you without hesitation that babies who have good sleep habits are overall less fussy and more enjoyable to parent. Help your baby get the sleep she needs by creating a good sleep environment and by helping her to establish good sleep habits early on.




Comment Script

Comments

exhausted
My daughter is almost eight months old and will go to bed by 8pm and wake up at 6am. Between those hours she will wake up at least 4 times to eat and she will drink anywhere between 10-14 oz of formula throught the night. What can I do to wean her from this? I am so exhausted.
#1 - Ruby - 12/18/2008 - 13:58
My daughter is 7 months old and will go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 7 am. Between those hours she will wake up about 3-4 times to nurse. What can I do to wean her from this? She is drinking about 5 oz each time she wakes up. What can i do to end this?
#2 - kimi - 12/30/2008 - 14:16
17 month old wakes up at night
My 17 month old daughter has never been the best sleepier. SHe slept through the night great until she was 12 months old and since then off and on wakes up at night and nothing helps. She wakes up at all different times and is screaming like she is in pain. She does get alot of ear infections and is on her second set of tubes already. The doctors have told us to give her a pillow to elevate her head which seemed to work for awhile. We need sleep in this house, this past week has been the worse. Any advice would be greatly appraicated.
Thank you, Melanie
#3 - Melanie - 01/21/2009 - 15:51
8 weeks old
My baby will be eight weeks old in 2 weeks time. He wakes up for two feeds during the night and drinks about 100ml of formula at a time. He is definately hungry when he wakes up. How will I be able to sleep train him? I bath him at 18h00 and then he has his last feed at 19h00 in the evening and he'll finish 180ml bottle. Sometimes he'll fall asleep straight away other times he doesn't fall asleep for hours.
#4 - Jana - 03/14/2009 - 01:38
Re: 8 weeks
Hi there,

Thanks for writing in.

If i am understanding right, he has a bath at 6 and a bottle at 7 and wakes twice? what time does he wake? How long a stretch does he sleep? how much does he weigh? What time is he up in the morning?

I need more information to give specific advice..

#5 - Michelle - 03/14/2009 - 22:39
3month old and 2 year old
My three year old is breastfeeding every three hours. She weighs around 15 pounds but still wakes at night. I feed her at 8:30pm, 12am, 3 am and 6 am (then every three hours during the day). My two year old has slept through the night since he was 3 months old (although I formula fed him). He had an organized schedule: bath, eat, book, sleep. Getting my 3 month old on a similiar schedule has been hard because of my older sons schedule. (any suggestions on going to sleep schedules with 2 children?)
I've been trying to get my 3 month old to sleep through the night by giving her water at 3am instead of milk- but she crys and won't sleep until I give her milk. What can I do, is it possible she isn't ready to eliminate this feeding? Is it too much to ask if I want her to sleep from 8 to 6 (eliminate 2 feedings)?
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.


#6 - Ann - 07/08/2009 - 23:23
7weeks old - skipping last feed of evening....
my daughter is pretty good at feeding every 3-4hrs (4oz) during the day but shes having a 6-6.30pm bottle then falling asleep between 7.45-9.00pm and not waking for a 10pm(ish) bottle but is waking at around 1-2am and only drinking 2-3oz sometimes less, altho waking again at 6am being real hungry for the full 4 possibly 5oz... should i be doing something to break this habit? should i wake her by 10pm or leave her to sleep, or will she naturally break by herself? im exhausted with lack of sleep as she only sleeps 3-4hrs or so between 7am and 7pm
#7 - karley - 11/04/2009 - 11:35
Response
How much does your baby weigh? If she is over 12 pounds, I would feed her before you go to bed (10pm - called a dream feed - don't really wake her to alert but feed her)and then wait until 6 am when she wakes to feed her again.
#8 - Michelle - 11/07/2009 - 13:01
Pooped
Hi there.
My son is 5 months next week. Up untill 4 months he would go down @ 18.30 & wake again to eat 3.30-4.00am, then wake again only @ 7-8am. From 4 months he started waking at 5-6am. Then he started stirring a couple of times a night & I would need to pat him & he would drop off easily again. Now he is waking fully at least 2-3 times a night & its taking me ages to get him back to sleep. He is still feeding once a night & cries if I dont feed him the last time he wakes. He does not cry for aes in his cot & Ileave him hoping he will sef soothe back to sleep, but he never does. I am desperate for him to learn to sleep by himself. He will go down at 18.30pm by himself, but that is the only time it happens. He weighs nearly 9kg & I started him on cereal twice a day as I thought he might have been waking from hunger, but there is no change.
Please help. I would love him to sleep through now. I am exhausted.
#9 - Holly - 11/20/2009 - 06:47
response
By this point most children are able to sleep through the night. He weighs enough not to need to eat during the night and should be able to go an 8 hour stretch. Talk to your child's pediatrician about ferberizing him. He should be in bed at 7 pm and wake around 6-7 am. if he wakes you can go in, keep it dark, pat his back and leave, no talking. wait 5 minutes. do the same. wait 10 minutes, do the same and repeat until he falls asleep. How long are you letting him cry? sometimes they can take 45 min to get back to sleep at first..if he is healthy, well fed, and has no medical issues then there is no reason, in my opinion, not to let him cry and learn to fall asleep on his own. OFten parents go in as soon as the crying starts and dont give the child a chance to learn to fall back to sleep. Is he having a pacifier? if so and it falls out that can be an issue. Is the room cool enough? no more than 70 deg f? Put a fan on for background noise. good luck!
#10 - michelle - 11/26/2009 - 08:54
8 weeks
my daughter is 8 weeks old monday and is breastfed. I am exhaused b/c she only sleeps 2 hr stretches at night, many times only 30-45 minutes. Whenever I put her down drowsy but awake, she usually wakes back up after 20 minutes or so. I have started puting her in a swing to sleep or bringing her in bed with me, but now she is 8 weeks old I want to break bad habits. She weights 11 lbs. Is it too early give her a bottle so I know how much she is eating then let her cry herself to sleep so she can learn to soothe herself? I waited until my son was almost 4 months to let him cry it out (it worked beautifully) but I dont think I can make it that long, I am SO sleep deprived, by the way she is wide awake from 2-4 am, is she sleeping too muc hduring hte day, she just catnaps all day. I feel like it will be hard to get her on a sleep schedule since she wont take a nap longer than 40 minutes.
#11 - carolyn - 12/30/2009 - 21:11
homemaker
hi my son is 14 months and wakes up atleast 4 to 5 times each night and won\'t sleep until he is breastfed each time. I really want to sleep train him! Pelase help
wraephac
#12 - fatima - 04/06/2010 - 00:16
short sleeper
hi there - my 14 month old sleeps 6 hours beautifully, then wakes and is ready for the day. not crying, just wide awake. all the rocking/singing/cuddling/cry-it-out/feeding/nursing in the world doesn\'t even work. she\'s just awake. 1-2 day naps, 1-2 hours tops. i\'m afraid it\'s affecting her development. thoughts?
#13 - andie - 04/18/2010 - 04:30
Help Needed
My daughter turns 5 months old today. She still wakes about 6 times a night minimum. The last two nights she has woken every 30 minutes. We are at our wits end! She is a little over 13 lbs and is breast feeding. She also gets a tablespoon of cereal mixed with milk before bed. It has not seemed to help. About three of her wakings are for feedings -- the other times, she just wakes up and cannot get back to sleep. Usually we can pat her back to sleep in her bed, but we are exhausted from getting up. If we let her cry she gets hysterical - other times she will just lay there and talk to herself for hours. She just doesn't seem tired (and rarely naps during the day unless we are in the car). I hate the idea of letting her get so hysterical (she screams until she loses her voice and then screams some more). She is in a good mood when she is up and playing -- although she was really grumpy the day after we let her scream for 15 minutes until she lost her voice. Its been five months since we got a good night's sleep. Help!
#14 - Sleep Deprived - 04/19/2010 - 12:18
response
Hi there-

Does she have a bedtime routine and a good sleep enviornment? Those two things are key. If she is healthy, she shouldn't be waking.

Like adults babies toss and turn at night, wake up and fall back to sleep. Sometimes we interrupt that process by going in to their rooms to early and getting them. We dont let them fall back to sleep..

If she talks, that's fine. I wouldnt get her. I would use Feber's method to help her develop healthy sleep habits

I would also stop putting cereal in the bottle. Introducing solids to children under 6 months can increase risk of allergies and it may not be agreeing with her. Plus theres no scientific evidence it works and is only usually advised sometimes for babies who have gerd.

I hope this helps.
#15 - Michelle - 04/27/2010 - 10:03
7 week old colicky with erratic sleep and feeding
I have a 5 yr (was colicky), a 3 yr (slept beautifully from day 1), and a 7 week old. My 7 wk old is colicky and screams for hours on end in the evening (3 hrs, sometimes as long as 5 hrs). I can barely get her to take more than about 2-3 oz formula at a time, won't go down to sleep without a battle day or night, and simply prefers to sleep in her car seat after having been out driving around. I feel housebound cause I don't want her to be in the car seat sleep habit. She weighs nearly 12 lbs already (I think 11.4 lbs?). I let my 5 yr old cry it out when he was three months and it worked well. He's been a star sleeper ever since. How young can a baby be on a daytime sleep schedule? How can we prevent the car ride excessive napping? What would be the best method to start sleep training at this age (CIO or other)? How can we get her to fewer than 10-12 bottles a day? I think her daytime sleep would get better if I could get her on fewer bottles. She only takes one between 1am and 3am (sometimes it's just an ounce other nights she takes a full 3, even 4 ounces).
#16 - Erin - 06/17/2010 - 07:45
have you spoken to your doctor about putting her on a more gentle formula like GentleEase or a perscription- babies do not cry for hours on end without reason.

I would have the baby on a 3 hour feed schedule - taking anywhere from 3-5 or 6 ounces.. should be getting about 2.5 times his weight in formula a day.

if she is taking only one ounce at night feed- shes likely not really hungry and waking out of habit
#17 - michelle - 07/11/2010 - 20:06
8 week old sleep patterns
My son is 8 weeks old tomorrow. Since day one he has cried consistently between the hours of approximately 8-11:30 pm. At about 4 weeks he started a routine of falling asleep at about 11/11:30/12, sleeping for 4 hours, waking to feed, then going down for another 2-3 hours. Last week he slept for about 5 hours instead of the usual 4. I thought we were progressing. However, for the past 2 nights he has gone to sleep earlier (10:45 and 9:00) but then woke up between 3-5 am wide awake. I have a routine of bath at around 8:15/8:30 every night, then feed in quiet, dark room, then attempt to put down to bed. We normally have to try to put him down several times before he actually sleeps, but last night was he first night he slept on the first try. My concern is, it appears by backing up his bedtime, he is now waking in the middle of the night, too. Last night he was also up at 1:00 to eat. That feels like a step backward. What can you suggest? I also haven't been able to discern a pattern to his daytime naps/feedings. I've been letting that be babyled. Please help! I can't imagine going backwards at this point. I also have not tried crying it out, as I've heard it can result in negative attachments later in life if done too early.

Also, he is exclusively breastfed and weighs almost 12 pounds. He was born at 37 weeks.

Thank you so much.
#18 - Lisa - 07/20/2010 - 13:15
13 weeks old
Hi, my little boy is quite big for 13 weeks he's about 15.5lbs, he gets his total milk feeds at 7.30/8.00 , 11am, 2.30pm, 5pm and 6.45pm (we do a double feed but slightly reduced so probably about 310mls) and a sleep feed at 11pm and then he wakes at 4am and we give him sugared water, we tried water but he hated it and squirmed and wasn't happy - the problem is he won't go back to sleep for about an hour after this with crying a fussing. would you just leave them and reassure him he's ok and not get him up even if he cries?
#19 - Alex - 11/06/2011 - 09:16
13 month old
My 13 month old will not go to sleep on her own, or will she sleep through the night. She is our second child, and our first was sleeping great by 6 weeks. But now my baby will only fall asleep if she is being held by myself or my husband. We have tried to put her into her crib when she is getting tired, but unfortunately she shares a room with her older sister, who is not always asleep promptly at 8. So we have to resort to making sure our 3 year old is asleep before we put our younger one to bed. Plus whenever she wakes up in the night she is wailing until I get her. I have tried to let her cry it out to an extent, but I can only do it for so long because she has woken her sister many times. I am so lost and tired, what do I do? I sit up right now most nights sleeping in a chair, or on the couch holding my daughter so the rest of my family can sleep, and it's sad to say, but I need her to sleep so I can too. :(
#20 - Jackie - 01/02/2012 - 23:47
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About America's Nanny:

parenting advice nanny

Michelle LaRowe is the 2004 International Nanny Association Nanny of the Year. A career nanny specializing in caring for twins, Michelle has over a decade of nanny experience. Although she holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Chemistry, she has found her true calling, working as a professional nanny.

Michelle is an active member of the nanny community. She is the founder and president of Boston Area Nannies, Inc., a local non profit educational organization and has served on the International Nanny Association Board of Directors for the past five years. During that time she has also served as the associations 1st Vice President. Michelle is also a proud member of Christian Nannies.

She is called on by the media as a nanny and parenting expert, and has been affectionately dubbed America's Nanny. Michelle has appeared on television and has been featured in print. She is the author of the new parenting series, Nanny to the Rescue!, a contributing writer in the Experts' Guide to the Baby Years and a regular columnist in several parenting publications, including Twins Magazine.

To learn more about Michelle and to get your parenting tip of the day, please visit www.michellelarowe.com.

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More Parenting Advice Resources:

Learn about the nanny industry visit the websites of the International Nanny Association, www.nanny.org .

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