Family Counselor Advice

By Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT – Counselor’s Corner

This column is about peer group pressure and how to teach children and teens to say no to trouble invitations and yes to life affirming activities.

{Editor’s Note:  Sharon is the nation’s leading expert and author on peer pressure.  Check out sidebar for information on her wonderful books for children, teens and parents.}.  There is another form of pressure that I see in my counseling practice that I want to address today.  That is children pressuring their parents!

Children pressure their parents for many things: snacks, going places, staying up or out later, using the car and, of course, money!  Many kids have really strong I wants.  A lot also know that if they are persistent that their parents will give in just to get them to be quiet.  Unfortunately that will lead to even more I want ___.  And it is the proverbial way to rear a child who feels entitled to things.  The child will not learn about saving money, delaying gratification nor responsibility.

So I suggest you learn this phrase:  There is no room for further discussion.  If you say anything else about this then there will be a consequence for badgering me.  Please make a good decision and say no more.  Then turn and walk away from the child.  If the child says even one more word about the request, be prepared to issue a consequence (such as loss of TV, computer, phone, favorite toy, bike riding, go to bed early etc.) for at least a day.  Follow through 100%!

Realize your child will not be happy and may throw a fit.  Ignore it as best you can.  Send him to his room until he can calm down.  With consistency it should take only four or five times of doing this for your child to learn not to keep begging you.  Remember if you can’t say no to your child when you need to, how do you expect her to say no when she needs to?

Copyright © 2012, Sharon Scott.  No reproduction without written permission from author.

P.S. Please see my other column Overworked, Stressed Moms’What’s New?

 

Sharon Scott

Sharon Scott

Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer to peer pressure.

The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof children and teens is Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.

Her popular book for teens, How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed., empowers kids to stand out,not just fit in!

A follow-up book for teens, When to Say Yes! And Make More Friends, shows adolescents how to select and meet quality friends and, in general, feel good for doing and being good.

Sharon also has a charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and "co-authored" with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the learning fun.Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled Too Smart for Trouble.
Sharon Scott
Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFTCounselor's Cornerkids,parenting,peer pressure,teen,tweenBy Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT - Counselor's Corner This column is about peer group pressure and how to teach children and teens to say no to trouble invitations and yes to life affirming activities. {Editor's Note:  Sharon is the nation's leading...Parenting Advice and Family Fun Activities