Nanny to the Rescue
America's nanny offers a large dose of healthy parenting advice with secrets for raising happy, secure, and well-balanced babies and toddlers.
Babies don't come with instructions. And since today's parents are so overwhelmed with schedules and demands, they have little time to bone up on their parenting skills. Often removed from grandparents and relatives who in times past lived next door or just down the street, they have no one to guide them through the disorienting world of raising children. Enter Nanny to the Rescue! Michelle LaRowe, 2004 International Nanny Association "Nanny of the Year," gives her tried and true solutions to childcare. Her expertise with chapters titled "Who's the boss?" and "Discipline is not a four letter word" gives confidence to parents who need specific ideas for real day-to-day problems. A proud member of Christian Nannies, Michelle offers foundational truths sure to help encourage moms and dads.
Nanny To the Rescue Again
Faced with multiple choices regarding school, friends, and activities coupled with the ever-widening influence of the outside world, parents of 6-12 year olds need help. America's nanny is back to offer a large dose of healthy parenting advice with secrets for raising happy, secure, and well-balanced children.
|Parenting Books That Work! By Sharon Scott |
Parenting---Roots and Wings
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article.
As parents, we pray for our children's safety, health and happiness. We do everything we know to help make these things happen for them.
At some point in our lives, we developed the principles and values that guide our life decisions. Our parents and/or caregivers certainly had influence over this but not complete determination. Some of us gladly adopted the values of our parents and continue to live by them today. Some of us so completely rejected our parents values that our decisions are determined by doing the exact opposite of what we believe our parents would do.
Most of us, however, are somewhere in the middle---we have accepted some of our parents values and rejected others. This is a normal process of development. As parents, though, we really fight that period in our children's lives when they are attempting to differentiate themselves from us.
Maybe it is because we fear for their safety in their decision-making. Maybe we can see that they are engaging in unhealthy behavior or heading down a life path that will ultimately lead to unhappiness. Whatever the reason, we get scared if our children's values differ too much from our own.
What can we, as parents, do? First of all, as we raise our children, we are helping to strengthen their roots. This is the first gift a parent gives their child. How does one strengthen roots? We tend, we nurture, we feed, we cultivate---all to develop strong roots.
Sharing our value system with our children is critical to this process. In sharing values, remember that people pay more attention to what they see, as opposed to what they hear. Therefore, if you are a parent who tells your children it is wrong to smoke while you are toking on your cigarette, know that their interpretation of smoking will likely be different from what you are verbally espousing.
A developmental task of adolescence is separation and individuation. This is the time when children are attempting to separate themselves from their parents to an extent. It can be a very frightening time for parents. What do we do? This is the time for the second parental gift---wings.
We want to give our children gradual "flying" lessons. Children are not ready to go from the total and complete shelter of their parents' protection to being absolutely out on their own. This must be a gradual process.
Dr. Nancy Buck, in her book Peaceful Parenting, says it best. "We limit freedom for as long as it takes to teach responsible behavior and then we give back the freedom." We want our children learning the precarious process of making decisions while they are still under our semi-protection.
During the teen years is the perfect time to allow our teens to begin the process of deciding what their own set of values will be. If you have done a good job with the roots and you handle the next part with a minimum of confrontation, then the value process will go relatively smoothly.
Remember, your teen is doing nothing different than you did. The only difference is that you were wrestling with your parents' values and your teen is wrestling with YOUR values. It has a very different feel to it, but it is the same nonetheless. You may say that your value system works just fine for you and your teen needs to see things the same way you do. However, the reality is that you cannot know what is best for another person, including your children. You are not them. You do not occupy their skin. Only they can truly decide what is best for themselves and then they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
I remember when my oldest son was sixteen and working as a waiter in a local diner. He became involved in a confrontation with a customer over a racial remark the customer made. When hearing the story, I was extremely proud that my son stood up for equality and fairness but was actually mortified by his immature, locker room behavior that he displayed! No, I will not print exactly what he did but suffice it to say that it was not a proud maternal moment.
My son and I had several conversations about this incident over the next few days and I was unable to get him to understand that what he had done was inappropriate. Finally, he said to me, "Mom, I know you want me to say that I was wrong but I'm not ashamed of what I did. In fact, I would do exactly the same thing if the situation presents itself again." Wow, I guess he told me!
I had to practice what I preach. His value system was not matching up with mine. It was very clear to me that he was "wrong", however, in his world at that time, he did the "right" thing for him. When you give your child wings, you need to allow them to do things their own way even if you are sure a better way exists. You can offer your better way in the form of a suggestion, but then get out of the way and allow your child to make the decision and to manage the consequences that occur because of that decision.
This process helps our children become better decision makers. We talk with our children about all the choices that exist, and then examine the pros and cons of each choice. After that, we must step back and allow our children to make the decision that's right for them. Then, we can talk to them about how things worked out but never protect them from the consequences of their decisions. This is where the learning takes place.
You are there to support them and help them manage the consequences but don't intervene on their behalf and also don't assume that "I told you so" attitude. That does not teach your child anything but not to come to you to talk things over anymore.
Come to one of our workshops where you can learn more about parenting teens and more about roots and wings, while your children are involved in the revolutionary R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Academy, where they will be learning the tools of self-discipline, survival and empowerment.
Visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and view the information regarding our Parent/Teen Weekend Workshop that run periodically throughout the United States or check our events calendar for upcoming teleclasses and chats.
Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives. She offers free chats, assessments, a blog and an eZine, as well as workshops, teleclasses, e-courses, counseling and coaching.
Visit her website at http://www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz or contact her at (708) 957-6047.
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The Long Journey Home
Once upon a time, I thought I had it all. I had a child, a career, the world at my feet. Or, so I thought.
Revering the Crayon Marks
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be
extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
A Chance for a Home
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home." - Johann von Goethe
Why First Borns Fuss, Seconds Are Resilient and Last Borns Like To Laugh
How can two or three children in the same family be so different? They are brought up in the same broad social environment, under a similar set of rules and an identical family value system. They also come from the same genetic pool yet they can be so different in personality, interests and achievement. While they may be born into the same family they are not born into the same position. The effects of their birth position have a significant impact on children, their behavior and their personalities. In order to really understand children it is useful to look at how their position in the family impacts on their development.
Loving Your Step-Children
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It is not enough for parents, step parents and extended family to feel a deep glow of love for the children in your circle of influence. You must convey that feeling into a message that is heard, felt and integrated by the child. Children need to be told both verbally and non-verbally how much they are valued for just being them.
Parenting Your Teenager: How to Say NO!
Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs and pesters until we give in. I know it's wrong to give in, but she makes things so unpleasant that we give in just to make peace. How can we turn this situation around?
Late Night Adventures with Your Children
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice. But, Late Night Adventures are "simply marvelous". If you really want to shine in your child's eyes on a more regular basis-- try some late night adventures with them.
Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr. when he has a fit or screams."
Parenting Your Teenager: Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we wonder whether he's doing more stuff. We have reason to believe he has been hiding drugs in his room, and we're wondering whether we should go into his room to see whether we can find anything. Some parents we've talked to say yes. Others say, "Don't invade his privacy because you will lose his trust." What do you think we should do?
Nights by a Pinocchio Lamp
Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as her tiny shadow puppet danced on the bedroom wall. "A bunny!" she giggled with all the jubilance of a four-year old. Her blue eyes sparkled with pride as she showed me the animated image she had created.
Back to School Success Tips
Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we do as parents to help make this a successful year for our teen-ager and our family?
A Little Love, Please?
Article based on a friend's experience
Are Public Schools A Menace To Your Kids? -- 11 Danger Signals
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school, or are bored or frustrated with their classes or teachers? In contrast to what most public-school officials will tell you, in most cases the problem lies with the schools, not with your children.
Keeping the Stress out of Single Parenting
Researched through personal experience!
Co-Morbidity Rates: Other Problems That May Come With ADHD
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge. Very often the child or teen that comes to the office will have both a neurologically based Attention Deficit Disorder, as well as some other clinical condition that requires treatment. There are commonly two reasons for this:
Childrens Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It is therefore critical for parents to resolve their differences in matters of children's discipline.
Parenting Your Teenager: How to Build Trust
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend Jenny?''
Say No to Mealtime Mayhem: Eating Out With Your Baby or Toddler
Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children. Their short attention span and need to be involved in everything will mean a nightmare for you, they say. They're wrong. We eat out regularly with our two year old and have a wonderful time. Here are a few tips to make sure that you can do it too.
Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get the results of the special education testing on your child. There is a lot of "stuff" on that report! And much of it sounds like a foreign language to many people.
How Can I Teach My Child Respect?
A common theme over the past 20 years has been how much children have changed from when we were growing up in terms of how they show respect. I know that for the most part in the 1960's, anyone in a position of authority commanded respect which included parents, teachers, police officers, principals, bosses, coaches and anyone else we viewed in some way as a person in authority. We in fact were taught to "obey" and do as we were told; no questions asked. Many of those people did command respect but unfortunately many of them abused their position of power and felt they were licensed to say and do whatever they wanted simply by virtue of the position they held.