Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But
there's another parenting practice that can be equally
It's possible to be one or the other - or in some cases,
Let's look first of all at the differences.
I'm sure you've come across the stereotype: Parents who
constantly ply their kids with material goods and treats of
every kind, and who will go to any length to ensure their
little darlings want for nothing, but have the biggest and
best of everything.
This behaviour is always prompted by a certain lack or need
within the parents. They often dote on their kids, but what
such parents are really doing is attempting to work out
their own inadequacies.
Perhaps they lacked attention when they were kids - and it
hurt. Maybe they had to go without things - and it was
humiliating. Now they make up for it by ensuring that THEIR
kids have everything!
Or it could be that they lack confidence in their parenting
abilities, and have no real interest in kids.
They are unsure how to relate to children, yet have a need
(or at least a desire) to be liked, appreciated, or accepted
- and they think over-indulging their kid's every whim is
the way to do it.
This can have disastrous consequences for the child's
For a start, such children become self-centred, spoiled, and
unhealthy. Often they become disrespectful, since children
are adept at spotting parental weaknesses, which they soon
come to despise.
Later in life these over-indulged kids tend to develop
further problems, such as eating disorders, weight-related
health issues, addictions, and they often lack patience and
tolerance when they can't instantly get their own way.
On the other hand there can be parents who, while not over-
indulging their kids, try to supervise every aspect of their
They watch them at play, they stand over them doing
homework, and if there's the slightest hint of a problem at
school - either with a friend or a teacher - they're down
there creating a scene!
This behaviour, too, is prompted by a need within the
parent, usually a deep-seated fear or anxiety about the
normal risks in everyday life, which they feel they must
protect their children from.
The effects of over-attentiveness can be more subtle - but
Because such children have not been allowed to experiment
with life - to climb trees and cut their knees, to have
altercations with others and realise their own way is not
the only, or even the best, way - they tend
to develop fear
and timidity whenever their mentor is not there sticking up
They have been deprived of a testing-ground in which to
develop their strengths and become aware of their
shortcomings. This often breeds embarrassment as well as
resentment, and the poor parents are baffled! They've only
been doing their duty, after all!
There can be an even more serious consequence when the child
becomes an adult: Decision-making becomes a problem.
Taking decisions involves the weighing up of risks, a
consideration of the pros and cons in a situation. If this
skill has not been developed in childhood - if the child has
been deprived of the opportunity - then he will be an
indecisive adult who lacks the confidence to be effective.
The solution for overindulgent and over-attentive parents is
one I keep stressing in my writing: They need to develop
confidence in themselves.
But they needn't despair, as opportunities for development
If you feel any of this applies to you, check out these
opportunities. Visit your local college, bookshop or
go online - see what's on offer. You'll be spoiled for
But take action. Just do it!
You can begin to understand your own needs in a relatively
short time, and with insight into your own psychological and
emotional make-up, you will begin to look at your kids in a
You will begin to moderate the amount of indulgence, because
the need to over-compensate will no longer be there.
If you recognise your own fears and anxieties, you'll be
less likely to pass them on to your kids by being over-
Supervise your children and help them steer clear of
yes - but let them manage their own conflicts. You can be
there on the sidelines with words of support, advice and
encouragement - but them experience the rough and tumble of
life for themselves.
Knowing you're giving your child a solid preparation for the
future, you'll feel satisfaction in a job well done.
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. If you want to develop your parenting
skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages,
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Why Fathers Are Such a Necessary Component in the Raising of Their Children.
The first year of a child's life is the most crucial time for Dad's to be present and loving and hugging his child. According to clinicians in the first year of birth babies relate to behaviors not language.
Parenting---Roots and Wings
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article.
Should We Apologize To Our Children?
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes we may believe that if we apologize to our children we weaken ourselves and the rules we are trying to keep. We may also believe it will make our children think their behavior was okay. It is important to understand that this is not the case. I have found myself at times reacting negatively to my daughter's occasional inattention to her daily diabetes care. Not just negatively but loudly. What I discovered was that I could apologize for how I responded to her behavior, without condoning what she did. (Or didn't do) Apologizing in this manner makes it clear that I am not relaxing the rules. It does not undermine my authority or my ability to make the rules and expect compliance. I found it does set a good example and encourages her to be open and apologize when she has done wrong. Apologizing shows empathy for what I may have done to her feelings and respect for her right to be treated fairly.
Protect your Kids Early with Safety Glasses
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There are several reasons glasses will be rated as safe. They must not only cover the front of the eyes but also the top and sides as well so small particles can't enter the eye. You can find inexpensive shields from a home improvement store that will also go over your regular eyeglasses. These types of glasses fog easily making them difficult to see out of. Safety glasses with polycarbonate lenses are very protective and more comfortable if professionally fitted. There is an industry ANSI standard that must be adhered to if glasses and frames can be rated as safety. They need to be sturdy and survive a test where a ball is dropped on the lens. Whatever job you have where safety glasses are required, you will know if you need high impact or basic impact lenses.
Helping Your Child Make and Keep Friends
What Children Look for in a Friend?
Baby Name Meanings
Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is like God"), I'm really proud of my name. And I think that I ? mostly - live up to the title! Of course, my mother would probably disagree; I think the phrase "little devil" would probably pass her lips if she was describing me during many stages of my childhood.
Adolescence - Clues and Advice
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence. Adolescent thinking can and should reflect: abstract notions, the relationships of things to each other and people to each other, multiple responses to the same condition or question and the idea of thinking itself.
Teaching Kids to Read
We are all so very happy to see that the First Lady has made reading a renewed priority for our country. The literacy issue is a big one. Kids are being passed year after year and still not able to read in High School. One issue, which is quite evident is the incredible turn over of teachers. There is a 50% attrition rate of teachers in Five years. This is somewhat similar to Corporate America too, but why are the teachers who have studied hard to specifically become teachers calling it quits?
Don?t Make Fast and Furious Food Changes
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when you say, my children won't eat healthy foods. If we even say the word, they tune out and already decide they don't like it. Well, my first response to this is "who is running the house, you or the kids". If you say the kids, you have more problems than I can help you with. Put your foot down, you and your husband, spouse, significant other, (fill in the blank) are the ones making the living and doing the providing. I fully realize that children don't like the concept of healthy foods. However, most children don't realize that many of the foods they do like are healthy for them. Most kids I know love peanut butter, well that is a good food for them. So try some peanut butter on that apple or celery they refuse to eat. Or try some low fat or fat free cheese sauce on the cauliflower or broccoli they turn their nose up at.
Diagnosing ADHD in Children, an Introduction
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children or adults is going to have their own opinion on how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADD or ADHD - should be diagnosed. Some clinics take the perspective that "more is good," and will recommend a large battery of tests, often costing many thousands of dollars. Other clinics, typically with hurried physicians, will simply give a brief rating scales to the parents and then make a quick diagnosis and prescribe treatment, usually a medication.
Am I Really A Stroller-Monger?
I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column in Maclean's Magazine written by a fellow humor columnist. Writing about it now is a bit like a painter painting another painter or a singer singing about another singer (but it not like a cook cooking another cook.).
The Personality of a Virgo Child
Your Virgo Baby..
Educational Toys And Childrens Books - A Must For Optimal Childhood Development
The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the infant's crib. The baby coos as its tiny arms swing a rattle back and forth. In another room a pre-school youngster is busy assembling the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and upstairs a teen is conquering worlds on a computerized video game. What do all of these activities have in common? They are examples of children playing with educational toys.
How Illiteracy Can Ruin Your Childs Life
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is so important in our technologically advanced society. However, many parents may not fully realize the emotional pain and life-long damage illiteracy can cause their children. Literacy, the ability to read well, is the foundation of children's education.
Public Schools Can Waste 12 Years of Your Child?s Life
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried one education fad after another. They have all failed. Children should not be turned into victims and educational guinea pigs by public-school authorities. Here's why public schools can waste 12 years of your children's lives and destroy their love of learning:
Who Will Be Their Guardian?
If you are like most people today, you do not have a will. The
reasons for this failure are many, with the most common being
along the lines of "I don't have enough assets to worry about",
"I don't know how to write a will", or "Lawyers charge a lot of
Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It?
If you are a parent, then more than likely you may face the common problem of separation anxiety in your child. What exactly is child separation anxiety? In a nutshell, this is the type of anxiety or stress your child may encounter when you leave him/her alone and they get upset or cry due to the separation involved. The reason they get upset or cry is because the child learns to remember objects or specific people, and when those objects or people become absent, anxiety sets in.
Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe, groan, and grumble? Do you worry about your child's attitude? If so, maybe your child's thinking cap is crooked. If it is, you can help. First, understand what's going haywire under that cap. Second, learn how too many crooked thoughts create crummy thinking habits. Third, teach your child how to straighten his thinking cap and grow into a person of character.
Who Are Your Kids Talking To Online?
Studies have shown that:
Anorexia Nervosa Alert - is Your Daughter Dying To Be Thin?
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically most prevalent in the adolescent teenage years of young women. It is estimated that 7% of the population suffers from eating disorders and if left untreated over 20% of them will die from it. Anorexia takes the lives of children everyday in this world and there are things you can do as a parent to identify anorexic behaviors and intervene to protect your children.