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It sounds so sappy to say I wish someone would have told me how great parenthood is. Maybe I just wasn’t ready before now. You’d think somehow in my forty-four years I’d have gotten a clue that motherhood would be fun, but it took being a foster parent, and new mom at forty-four to discover the joy for myself.
As a foster adoption parent we fostered a lot of children who went home to bio-family after living with us for weeks or months. Then, out of the blue, we got our little girl; Only thirty days old, born to a mentally ill, drug addicted mom.
She came to us as a respite child with no possible opportunity to adopt, but instantly we knew she was meant to be ours. It’s funny how things work out. Circumstances change, and it took over a year, but finally, with the blessing of birth mom, we adopted our daughter.
We have an open adoption and see birth mom a couple of times per month. I notice that I’m secretly jealous of birth mom, - my daughter looks like her. They laugh the same and have the same eyes; but mostly I try to be grateful and compassionate. Now, only two years later, birth mom now has a second child and this one she will try to keep. So far so good.
I got to hold my daughter’s newborn sister, immediately after birth. It was one of those weird twists of fate. Social services gave her firstborn child to me, and now I’m supporting the birth of her second child, present in the delivery room.
My daughter is now two and a half (as she proudly states). Her half sister, living with birth mom, is six months old. Neither of them understands this complicated family dynamic yet. Birth mom and I both understand and try to navigate this new way of adoption open adoption.
Some families do openness differently sharing photos, cards and letters a few times per year with a visit at birthday time. Others, like us, make a more conscious effort to be part of each others lives. It’s a bit like adding extended family when you adopt this way.
There is a lot of talk on various forums and email groups about open adoption does it work who benefits, what are the long term effects?
The jury is still out, but I can only imagine it is better for my daughter than the old way of secrecy and closed records.
These two sisters have very different lives. They’ll go to different schools, have a different moral and social upbringing and experiences, but they are still sisters. I’m not sure how it will work out in the end will we be visiting still when school activities, friends, (boyfriends?) become a priority?
I have to believe that open adoption is best for our family and all I can do is stay open to the possibilities.
And hope that the love that we share for our daughter will bring us through the hard times.
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