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Children benefit from parents who consistently hold them accountable for their actions. They will make better decisions because it gives them a built-in excuse to a trouble invitation: “My parents would ground me for life!” Although that is an exaggeration, your child’s peers know which parents actually discipline and which just gripe at their kids. Kids actually don’t push their peers as hard to do something wrong if they know that their friend might then not be available to spend time with them due to loss of privileges.
How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed.
A must back-to-school reading for your teen!
 Too Smart for Trouble
Helping grade K-4 children think on their own!
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Recently I began working with a new family in my private counseling practice. While gathering a social history from the parents on their teen daughter who had become extremely disrespectful, was failing many subjects, would leave the house without permission, and wanted to spend 24/7 with her boyfriend, a known marijuana user, it was evident that the parents were not consistently holding her accountable for her actions. The parents lectured, fussed, fumed, griped, threatened, scolded, and complained, but rarely did they take away privileges. And when they would occasionally ground her, the daughter would beg, bargain, and promise to do better and the parents would give her privileges back! They didn’t realize they were teaching her to manipulate—which she will learn and, unfortunately, use in relationships with others.
How do you hold children accountable for their actions? Your control over your child’s privileges is the key to better behavior. Obvious privileges include TV, computer, playtime or visiting friends, driving, music, telephone, hobbies, and toys. Other creative ideas of consequences could be yucky work (a boring job such as cleaning the baseboards or raking leaves) or loss of a favorite clothing item or writing a one page, single spaced report on how to make a better decision the next time.
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I’d suggest that you make a list of privileges for each child so that when a misbehavior occurs, you can take a few minutes to reflect as to what would be an appropriate consequence for the misbehavior. This will also give you time to calm down, if needed, as consequences given firmly, without yelling, put you in a stronger position to help your child. Next month we will discuss more on the delivery and follow through of the consequence.
Copyright ©2007, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author. Excerpted in part from Sharon’s award-winning parent guide, Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.
. (www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott)
P.S. Please check out my other column, SmileNotes!.
Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, is an internationally recognized family counselor with a private practice in north Texas. She is considered the leading expert on peer pressure having trained more than one million people across the U.S. and in Australia, Canada, Switzerland, South Africa, Spain, Malaysia, the Philippines, Turkey, and Micronesia in her proven techniques. For information on bringing Sharon to your community or school to present one of her 29 dynamic workshops for children, teens, parents, or educators, please see her website www.SharonScott.com .
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The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof children and teens is 
Sharon also has a charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the learning fun. Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled 