 |
|
|
|
I have had two beloved dogs, Scooter the cocker spaniel and Emma Jane the blue heeler, die in the past four months so loss and grief are on my mind. In 2004 my wonderful father, two dear aunts and four close friends died. That was a very difficult year spent trying to muddle through grief. As an adult with many life experiences and multiple resources, I am able to process these losses. Children, however, are often at a loss how to deal with their grief.
How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed.
A must back-to-school reading for your teen!
 Too Smart for Trouble
Helping grade K-4 children think on their own!
|
It’s important to note that grief does not result just from death of a loved one. Grief can come following any big loss. In adults, big losses include such events as a job layoff or divorce or foreclosure on a home. Large losses for children might include being excluded by a former friend, the death of a pet, parents separating or a good friend moving away. It would be easy to think these losses are small in comparison to the losses that adults experience; however, they can be huge to the child whose world is smaller (yet just as important to them).
What can adults do to help children through big losses? Some ideas are:
1. Tell them it’s okay to cry when we’re sad. It might be helpful to make them aware there are better places than others to cry such as in the bath or in bed or alone in our room. We need to tell them it’s okay to cry also in public among family or friends with whom they feel very comfortable. Tears of sadness actually have stress hormones in them which is a pressure reliever. Tears of joy are of a different chemical composition.
|
2. Never let anyone deny their loss with hurtful lines such as “It’s only a dog, get over it,” or “Time to stop crying and get on with your life.” Loss and grief take time and that time is different for each one of us. If the grief continues to go on for a long time and the child is having school, sleep or eating changes along with chronic sadness or unusual irritability, it might be wise to seek help from a family counselor experienced in working with children. There may also be agencies within your community to help with children grieving the loss of a close family member.
3. Realize that grief is a learning experience that they will have multiple times in their life. So don’t try to stop their grief by a replacement such as immediately getting a new dog after the other dies or trying to immediately find them a new friend when the other moves away. This can cause confused emotions such as feeling guilty if they like the new dog. Again… time is needed to move through the loss.
4. Give them extra hugs. Do more listening than talking if they want to explore their feelings about the loss.
5. If your child has a spiritual upbringing and the grief is from a death, discuss Heaven with them. Perhaps find a children’s book about death and read it together. A wonderful book for the loss of a pet is Dog Heaven (or Cat Heaven). My book, Life’s Not Always Fair: A Child’s Guide to Managing Emotions (www.hrdpress.com/sharonscott or 800-822-2801), could also be a helpful resource for children ages 6-12.
Different ages will experience the grief differently. Don’t expect all of your children to react the same. Many children will take their cue from watching you grieve. Try to personalize your attention to them in this difficult time with what each child needs.
Copyright © 2010, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.
P.S. Please see my other column SmileNotes.
Comment Script
Comments
This comment form is powered by GentleSource Comment Script. It can be included in PHP or HTML files and allows visitors to leave comments on the website.
|
|
|
Listen to
Families Online Radio Interview with Sharon Scott
Books That Work!
By Sharon Scott
| |
Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer pressure.
 The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof children and teens is Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.
|
| Her best-selling book for teens, How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed., empowers kids to stand out—not just fit in!/> A follow-up book for teens, When to Say Yes! And Make More Friends, shows adolescents how to select and meet quality friends and, in general, feel good for doing and being good.
|
 Sharon also has a charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the learning fun. Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled Too Smart for Trouble - More Info.
|
Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, is an internationally recognized family counselor with a private practice in north Texas. She is considered the leading expert on peer pressure having trained more than one million people across the U.S. and in Australia, Canada, Switzerland, South Africa, Spain, Malaysia, the Philippines, Turkey, and Micronesia in her proven techniques. For information on bringing Sharon to your community or school to present one of her 29 dynamic workshops for children, teens, parents, or educators, please see her website www.SharonScott.com .
|
Peer Pressure Experienced by Teens, Adolescents and School-age Children. Parenting Advice.
|
|
