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Parents might be surprised to learn that cyberbullying (bullying via e-mail, text messaging, etc.) begins as early as second grade! It does peak in middle school. In my private practice, I notice it especially with grade 4 and 5 “mean” girls who like to torment another girl—generally about not being liked by others. By the time the parent brings the victim to me for counseling, she has low self-esteem and is showing symptoms of anxiety and perhaps depression as well.
How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed.
A must back-to-school reading for your teen!
 Too Smart for Trouble
Helping grade K-4 children think on their own!
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A study of 40,000 adolescents by the Rochester Institute of Technology found that 59% of cyber victims in grades 7-9 say there perpetrators are a “friend” that they know personally. Cyberbullying is immaturity at its worst—demeaning someone, but not to their face. Bullying on the playground or the halls of school hurts deeply, however, it is generally limited to a small number of kids present. Cyberbullying is more than just a tacky disagreement between two people—it’s spreading lies and rumors that can travel at lightening speed and can even be done in secret.
What’s a parent to do? I feel strongly that we often treat children as “mini-adults” affording them adult privileges. As a result, they are growing up too fast and have to manage difficult choices more appropriate to an older teen (or even adult!). Children don’t need computers, TVs, phones or other such technology in their rooms first off. This will not allow the parent to supervise time used or monitor the way its used.
Second, decide if this is a want or a need for your child. Just because your child says “everyone else has one” is not a good reason for you to get it for your child. You may be surprised by the amount of problems that will occur when you give your child too much technology too soon. So, an appropriate answer is “No, you’re not going to have that until you are much older.” It is really okay for you to make decisions for your child without giving in to the pressure from the child (and perhaps parents of your child’s friends who aren’t strong enough to say “No” to their child)!
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Third, teach your child that everyone is a stranger except for people they know personally. You will have to explain this clearly and repeat it for them to truly understand this. Use whatever methods are available to you to restrict those with whom your child can communicate.
Also get to know your child’s friends whether in person or online. Monitoring their computer activity is essential for their safety. If you see irresponsible, dangerous or threatening behavior, the child is not responsible enough for this technology!
And, last, teach and expect respect from children among their peers. Of course, this means that the adults should model respect in their communications as well.
Copyright © 2009, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.
P.S. Please see my other column “SmileNotes.”
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Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, is an internationally recognized family counselor with a private practice in north Texas. She is considered the leading expert on peer pressure having trained more than one million people across the U.S. and in Australia, Canada, Switzerland, South Africa, Spain, Malaysia, the Philippines, Turkey, and Micronesia in her proven techniques. For information on bringing Sharon to your community or school to present one of her 29 dynamic workshops for children, teens, parents, or educators, please see her website www.SharonScott.com .
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Listen to
Families Online Radio Interview with Sharon Scott
Books That Work!
By Sharon Scott
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Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer pressure.
 The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof children and teens is Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.
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Her best-selling book for teens, How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed., empowers kids to stand out—not just fit in!  A follow-up book for teens, When to Say Yes! And Make More Friends, shows adolescents how to select and meet quality friends and, in general, feel good for doing and being good.
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 Sharon also has a charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the learning fun. Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled Too Smart for Trouble - More Info.
Peer Pressure Experienced by Teens, Adolescents and School-age Children. Parenting Advice.
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