Different Voices
By Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT
www.SharonScott.com

My mother and I recently did a trans-Atlantic cruise from Barcelona, Spain to Galveston, Texas. It was a wonderful trip with interesting ports of call. We met people from many countries and enjoyed delightful conversations. For fifteen nights we were seated in a gorgeous formal dining room at a large oblong table with the same group of six people. Two were from France, two hailed from Florida and two others called Scotland home. I love meeting new people from around the globe; however, Mother and I sat quietly at dinner rarely interacting in the conversation that seemed fun as there was lots of laughter. What was the problem? Due to the shape of the table we were at the far end. Unfortunately, only one of those six people projected their voices so that we could hear. I tired of saying, "I'm sorry I can't hear you," or "Huh?" or "Please repeat that again."

A couple of voices come to to mind to teach children: an "inside" voice; a "project" voice; and an "assertive" voice. The inside voice is for quiet conversation, often one-on-one. The project voice is to be used when there is a large room or large dining room table and you need others a little further away than normal to hear you. The assertive voice is for saying "NO! Stop it! Leave me alone!" to other kids' teasing (or even, as they run away, in a potentially dangerous situation with an unknown adult). Depending on the ages of your children, you could do practice drills reading from a book demonstrating the different voices and then asking the child to do the same as you call out inside or project or assertive.

You want to avoid talking or repeating for the quiet child else he or she will take too long to learn to speak for themselves. Frequent lectures or corrections to the too-loud child is not healthy. So practice, in whatever positive way you teach it, could help the reserved child sound more confident and the overly rambunctious child be able to tone it down. And the assertive voice is important for self protection.

Here's wishing you a most wonderful new year. My very best to you and your family!

Copyright 2009, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.

P.S. Please see my other column SmileNotes.

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Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, is an internationally recognized family counselor with a private practice in north Texas. She is considered the leading expert on peer pressure having trained more than one million people across the U.S. and in Australia, Canada, Switzerland, South Africa, Spain, Malaysia, the Philippines, Turkey, and Micronesia in her proven techniques. For information on bringing Sharon to your community or school to present one of her 29 dynamic workshops for children, teens, parents, or educators, please see her website www.SharonScott.com .

Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer pressure.

A follow-up book for teens, When to Say Yes! And Make More Friends, shows adolescents how to select and meet quality friends and, in general, feel good for doing and being good.