Parent Child Communication - The Importance of a Pause Counselor's Corner by Sharon Scott, LPC LMFT
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The Importance of a Pause
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One of my best friends from high school
recently commented that she was worried about her 25 year old son. I asked what she meant because he is a handsome man with a college degree and a wonderful job. She said
that he is so quiet that she worries if he?ll ever meet someone and marry. She asked if there was anyway that she could help him to become more verbal. I told her that
there was and she was surprised when I told her to ?just shut up!?
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Although I said it laughing and in jest, I was actually serious about the need for her to talk less. He grew up with a friendly, talkative mother and two older sisters. Guess what? When anyone talked to him as a child he had three women who would answer for him. He didn?t need to talk?everything was fine and he needed nothing! She also still ?lectures? him a lot about what he needs to do with his life. He needs to figure much of this on his own. And, if he grew up in a healthy family, which he did, then he will know to ask for advice if he needs some. |
So, the moral to this story is, even when children are young, quit answering for them. When someone asks your child?s name, and he or she hesitates, don?t fill in the blank for them. Pause, look at the child with a smile, keep quiet and guess what? The child will probably answer. Avoid filling in suggestions either like ?Answer the nice lady,? or ?Tell her what your name is.? You?re giving unnecessary advice and making the child feel uncomfortable.
If you quit answering and talking for your child, as well as not allowing older siblings to do the same, your child will be more verbal and articulate.
Copyright © 2008, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author. Excerpted in part from Sharon?s classic parent guide: Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed. (HRD Press, 800-822-2801).(www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott)
P.S. Please see my other column, SmileNotes.
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Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer pressure.  The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof
children and teens is Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to
Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.
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 Her best-selling book for teens,
How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed., empowers
kids to stand out?not just fit in!
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 Sharon also has a
charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and ?co-authored? with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the
learning fun. Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled Too Smart for Trouble.
 Peer Pressure Experienced by Teens, Adolescents and School-age Children. Parenting Advice. |
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About The Author
Anthony G. Alessi, MD
Charles Glassman, MD
Dale Peterson, MD
Mache Seibel, MD
Peter Weiss, MD
Mitchell Yass, DPT
Dr. Howard Peiper
Dr. Mary Riggin
