Last month I began discussing how children are growing up faster than any previous generation and are often making difficult, even adult, decisions at earlier ages than ever before. As a family counselor for 30 years, I daily see the results of parents not holding children accountable for their actions. By the teen years, these adolescents are not following rules, have few, if any, responsibilities other than to attend school, and are disrespectful. I also find that so many children are having things given to them way out of proportion to their age and responsibility level. This causes them to have a feeling of entitlement. These kids will most likely have difficulty functioning in the adult work world. Parents cannot believe that their little darling has morphed into someone they barely recognize. Growing up too fast definitely contributes to their inability to manage negative peer pressure.

It’s imperative that parents give childhood back to children! How exactly does a parent go about that? Some more tips (continuing from last month’s column) include:

1. Eat dinner together. Study after study finds that children who eat dinner with their families regularly are better students, healthier people, and less like to smoke, drink, or use other drugs than those who don’t. Make mealtimes a time for casual chitchat rather than a time to play “20 questions” about school. This is also a time when children can hear about your day and learn more about the adult world. And, of course, no television or telephone interruptions should be allowed.

2. Select healthy role models from among your peers and community leaders, and introduce your children to them. You might even consider taking your child to work with you one day. Boys and girls both need lots of positive attention from parents and other healthy adults.

3. Talk regularly and openly to the parents of your child’s best friends. When your child visits overnight, you need to check to see if the parents are going to be home the whole time, monitor a bedtime, etc. When a teen goes to a boy/girl party at a friend’s home, it’s imperative that you ask if the parents will be present during the party, if they will allow drinking (many do with the excuse that kids are going to drink anyway and they are just providing a safe environment!), and what’s the ratio of adult chaperones to kids. If you’re not comfortable with the answers, then you should not allow your child to go.

4. Educate your children on the harmful effects of tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs. Educate them! Provide information; not just saying that it’s bad and don’t do it. And practice what you preach. Because kids do as we do, not as we say.

Helping your child resist all kinds of negative peer pressure begins with helping them to be age appropriate. Too many kids think, look like, and act like people much older and this gets them into trouble. Next month we’ll delve into how to begin teaching your child specific techniques to help them say “no” when needed to pressuring peers.

Excerpted in part from Sharon’s book, Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child.

Copyright © 2006, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.

P.S. Please check out my other column, “SmileNotes,”