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Have you ever praised your child about something he or she has done well to have them say, “I don’t think I did a very good job.” In other words, the child didn’t accept the praise you gave which means he did not internalize it either which does not help build self-esteem. Why did your child not accept the praise?
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How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed.
A must back-to-school reading for your teen!
 Too Smart for Trouble
Helping grade K-4 children think on their own!
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There could be several reasons. One is that the child is seeking attention by negating what you say which usually causes us to go on and on about how good she really did. If this is the case, the parent needs to increase the amount of praise given (which I personally feel most of us need to do anyway).
A more common reason for your child not accepting the praise is that they have learned it from us. How many times have you said, “This old thing!” when someone compliments your outfit? Or we say, “I got it on sale.” We failed to simply say, “Thank you!” I recently praise a teacher’s wonderfully creative bulletin board in her classroom to which she replied, “It’s no big deal.”
I actually think there is a gene in my family that causes the females to negate praise. I recently visited my cousin in Georgia and she prepared the most wonderful Southern dinner one evening complete with hot cornbread. When I told her that the corn was so fresh, the bread scrumptious, and the butter beans reminded me of our grandmother’s garden, she began picking the meal apart. Something needed more salt… another thing was dry… etc.
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My mother has done it at every meal that I’ve eaten with her for my entire life! Mother makes the best chocolate cream pie in the world and I tell her so. She then will say something like, “No, I think the one I made for you on June 26, 1996 was better.”
When someone is kind enough to take the time to notice something good or nice or helpful that we have done, there are only a few acceptable replies: “Thank you,” or “That was so kind of you to say,” or “I appreciate you saying that.” I always like to think of praise as a verbal gift. And if someone hands you a beautiful gift all wrapped with a big red bow, you would say, “Thank you!” Practice these three comebacks and make sure that you use them so that you model accepting praise for your children.
Excerpted from Sharon Scott’s book, Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed. (www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott)
Copyright ©2007, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.
P.S. Please check out my other column, “SmileNotes”
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Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, is an internationally recognized family counselor with a private practice in north Texas. She is considered the leading expert on peer pressure having trained more than one million people across the U.S. and in Australia, Canada, Switzerland, South Africa, Spain, Malaysia, the Philippines, Turkey, and Micronesia in her proven techniques. For information on bringing Sharon to your community or school to present one of her 29 dynamic workshops for children, teens, parents, or educators, please see her website www.SharonScott.com .
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Listen to
Families Online Radio Interview with Sharon Scott
Parenting Books That Work!
By Sharon Scott
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Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer pressure.
 The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof children and teens is Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.
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Her best-selling book for teens, How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed., empowers kids to stand out—not just fit in!  A follow-up book for teens, When to Say Yes! And Make More Friends, shows adolescents how to select and meet quality friends and, in general, feel good for doing and being good.
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 Sharon also has a charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the learning fun. Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled Too Smart for Trouble - More Info.
Plow and Hearth
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