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We know that children and teens with good self-esteem are better able to think on their own as well as manage negative peer pressure. Kids can appear confident yet still have serious doubts about themselves. One of my private clients, a 15 year old boy, said to me this week, “I look confident on the outside as that’s what I want people to see. But inside I worry all the time about what people think of me. I even wake up feeling sad and can’t go back to sleep.” This young man is an A/B student and a successful athlete with many friends. Sometimes we adults forget how difficult growing up can be!
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How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed.
A must back-to-school reading for your teen!
 Too Smart for Trouble
Helping grade K-4 children think on their own!
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Last month we discussed that praise is stronger than a compliment because it reinforces something specific. The positive praise words recognize a specific good behavior, action, or attitude; not just a vague “atta boy.” Another pitfall, besides vagueness, in giving praise is that most kids receive more corrections, reminders, lectures, nagging, fussing, reprimands, etc. per day that they do praise! Research says that the average child in America doesn’t even get one praise per day. However, most children receive numerous corrections and other negative-type comments each day—at home, school, and even with friends who may enjoy teasing in unkind ways.
It’s been said that it takes five praises to build a child or teen back up from a correction. How many kids get 10-20 praises per day? Not many. Don’t misunderstand and assume I’m suggesting you ignore bad behavior. I’m not—in fact, we will talk about discipline at a later date. I’m just saying that too often we take the good behavior for granted. We don’t do so intentionally. It’s just that so many of us are overscheduled and overwhelmed by all that we have to do, so praise gets put on the back burner. Most of us, however, are not too busy to comment on the things we don’t like. Somehow we find the time to fuss and nag.
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I hope that you pay more attention to your children when they are doing something right or have a good attitude or are helpful or kind. Catch them doing something good and make sure you make the time to comment on it. In other words, increase the quantity and quality of your praise. In a healthy home children should be receiving more praise than corrections. Have fun being positive!
Excerpted from Sharon Scott’s book, Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed. (www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott)
Copyright ©2007, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.
P.S. Please check out my other column, “SmileNotes”
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Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, is an internationally recognized family counselor with a private practice in north Texas. She is considered the leading expert on peer pressure having trained more than one million people across the U.S. and in Australia, Canada, Switzerland, South Africa, Spain, Malaysia, the Philippines, Turkey, and Micronesia in her proven techniques. For information on bringing Sharon to your community or school to present one of her 29 dynamic workshops for children, teens, parents, or educators, please see her website www.SharonScott.com .
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Parenting Books That Work!
By Sharon Scott
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Sharon is the author of eight award-winning books including four on the topic of peer pressure.
 The guide for parents/educators on how to peer-proof children and teens is Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed.
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Her best-selling book for teens, How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed., empowers kids to stand out—not just fit in!  A follow-up book for teens, When to Say Yes! And Make More Friends, shows adolescents how to select and meet quality friends and, in general, feel good for doing and being good.
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 Sharon also has a charming series of five books for elementary-age children each teaching an important living skill and “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas who makes the learning fun. Their book on managing elementary-age peer pressure is titled Too Smart for Trouble - More Info.
Plow and Hearth
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