Non-Traditional Father's Day

Thousands of children will not be with their dads this Father's Day due divorce, or family separation. Other kids will face conflict caused by having more then one person in their life they call "Dad". Some kids have lost their dad tragically through death. Father's Day can be a very difficult time for kids.

Father's Day for Kids When Dad Isn't There

If your family is one of those who has done all they can to encourage Dad to be involved with their kids after divorce or family separation but has not succeeded. Or your family has experience abuse or other problems which makes it unwise for Dad to be involved, lean how to help your children cope.

Feelings of grief and loss for a father are very normal. Children feel abandonment and when one parent is not present, children need reassurance that the remaining parent will not abandon them, too. It is healthy to encourage children to discuss their fears but not dwell on them. A short conversation followed by a hug and a change in activity is a healthy way to handle the discussion. Father's Day without dad can cause your child to be sad. Acknowledge their sadness and then encourage your child to resume his or her hobbies and activities.

Children often feel ashamed of their parents' divorce and lack of father involvement in their lives. If you feel shame, your kids will probably feel it too, and then they'll worry about facing their friends. Divorce isn't a failure; make sure your kids know this by example. Remind them the divorce if not their fault nor is it that their father is not as attentive as he should be.

Parents should never make remarks such as "maybe Dad wouldn't have left if you hadn't ......" These kinds of words confirm the children's darkest suspicions and tell them that the guilt they're feeling is appropriate. Choose words with care and sensitivity.

Create an environment where kids can to express their feelings freely. Don't diminish or ignore their fear, sadness, guilt, anger, or hope that those feelings will eventually fade on their own. It is best to acknowledge and empathize with their feelings. Don't deny, judge, argue with, or make light of them. It is ok for you to share your feelings with your children as long as you do so carefully, For example: don't tell them that "Mommy's so sad she want's to die!".

Children's reactions to Father's Day without dad will be greatly influenced by your reaction. The calmer and more matter of a fact you are, the more likely the better the child will handle the situation. Plan some fun activity such as a picnic, trip to the zoo or movies to help fill in the gap. Or celebrate the day with another male in the child's life who is filling "dad's" role

Too Many Dads?

Some kids have two dads to share the holiday with, a birth dad and a step dad. It can be a tough choice for children to decide who to spend the day with especially if they have a good relationship with both dads. It is important for birth dads and step dads to understand why a child might want to spend the day with both of them. Support from adults which allows children to chose without conflict is important. Designating another day as Step Parent Day is a great way to accomodates both dads and keep kids feeling comfortable.

Kids who are adopted may have two dads to celebrate the day with too. Many families with open adoptions must make arrangement and accomodations for holidays. Some kids have Foster Dads who deserve recognition at this time of year. As well, Grandfather's, Big Brothers or teachers often fulfill the role of "dad"'. Whatever your family's circumstance, encourage kids to tell the person they feel is "dad", how much they mean to them on this special day.