3) Going to the store? Form a shopping network of two or three other
moms (single or otherwise) in your neighborhood. When a mom makes a trip
to the grocery story, have her call the other moms in the group to see
who needs what. Take turns and everybody gets a little help.
4) Got a little baby? Need to take a shower and no one to watch the
child? No problem. If your baby is really tiny, bring him/her to the
bathroom floor in an infant carry seat with the little toys that hang
down or a favorite rattle. Make sure you have a cloth diaper or other
type of rag within arms reach to wipe up spit or a runny nose. Take your
shower and sing and your heart out. You'll get your time in the bath and
your child will love hearing you sing! Keep your child away from
electrical appliances, like blow dryers and curling irons.
5) Secure your home! Lock and alarms deter burglars, but be sure not to
"invite" them into your home. Make sure your home always looks occupied,
even when you're not there. Put porch and interior lights on timers. If
you're running to the store, leave on the TV or radio and a couple of
lights.
6) If you cannot afford to install an alarm system in your home, you can
buy "alarm warning system" stickers from Radio Shack; they're less than
$2.00 for a package of 3 or 4. Place them on obvious pl that an
intruder might try to enter.
7) Try this fun experiment with your child. Take some white carnations,
place them in a vase filled with water. Add 1/2 teaspoon of red food
coloring and watch the results. Your kids will be fascinated by the
changes in the veins and stalk as the flowers "drink" the colored water!
10)Caution Hot Water! Help your child distinguish between the hot and
cold water faucets by placing a drop of red nail polish on the top of
the "hot" water faucets in sinks and bathtubs throughout your home.
Keep the thermostat of your UNDER 120 degrees.
11) Baby an early riser? Need a little extra sleep. Try placing a few of
his/her favorite toys in the crib after the child is asleep. Upon
waking, the baby can amuse him/herself for a while.
12) Where is my Daddy? What do you tell your child? I've heard many
people speculate. But what I suggest is that if the father chooses to be
un-involved, be honest with your child by saying something like, "Daddy
makes his own decisions and I don't know why he doesn't call/come
by/send cards." "Perhaps you need to call him and ask him."
13) Be sure your child knows that it is NOT his/her fault that the
father is absent. Children tend to believe that divorce or the behavior
of the absent parent is their fault. We need to reinforce to our
children that they are OK and nothing they have done has caused the
parents divorce or the absent parents shortcomings.
14) I hate my father! He's a jerk! If your kids voice anger about their
absent father, let them vent their anger now as opposed to destructive
ways later. Perhaps buy your child a punching bag to help! Let them get
rid of the anger now!
15) Your child says, "My Step-Mother is soooo cool." How do you respond?
No matter what your feelings are about the new step mom, be she the
"other" woman or another, always respond positively with something like,
"Really? That's great honey! I'm so glad you like her."
16) Never never leave young children under the age of 12 unattended in
the car! Too many dangerous circumstances could arise!
17) There are many things you can do to have fun with your child that
don't cost money! Go for a walk at the park. Go window-shopping or visit
a single parent friend. Be creative, bake cookies or do arts and crafts.
18) Encourage your child to talk about how she/he is feeling. Children
can express themselves through the drawings and at playtime. Discuss
the artwork and play period with your child. It will give you some
quality time with your child, and also let you inside your child's mind.
19) If your child will not sit still while you wipe the crusty snot from
his sore nose, try bribing him with a quarter or other treat!
20) If Daddy doesn't show up for his planned weekend visitation. All is
not lost, have a back-up plan just in case. Since the kids will be ready
to go anyway, load them up in the car and go to a movie, a friends house
or other fun place!
21) Make eye contact with children. Squat down to their level when
trying to explain something important. Eye contact reinforces your
connection and the child's understanding.
22) If Your Baby Won't Sleep and You are Tired, there are several ways
to get your child to sleep if a nice warm bottle fails. 1) Lay the baby
on her stomach across your lap; give her a pacifier and gently but
firmly pat her back till she falls asleep. 2) Strap the child in the car
seat and go for a spin. Sometimes children have a difficulty unwinding
from a busy day just like you do and many times a car ride can do the
trick.
23) Have Food will Travel. Going to be away from the house for a while.
Take along raisins, cookies or cheerios in a plastic bag so you'll be
ready when little tummies start to rumble.
24) Baby Wipes Are a Wonderful Thing! If your children are under the age
of 10 buy small purse packs of baby wipes and carry them with you all
the time! Your kids will be spick and span in no time. Maybe they've
been petting the baby-sitters cat and you're on your way to Taco Bell.
Whip out a wipe and clean those hand and dirty f too!
26) Change the filter in your homes air conditioning unit monthly for
optimum efficiency. This will help on the amount of energy your
heater/air conditioner uses (translating into lower electric bills) plus
you'll be breathing cleaner air!
28) Crying Baby? Take her outside to listen to the birds and look at the
trees. Being out doors tends to calm babies and will help your attitude
too.
29) One mother says, that Vaseline on your babies butt at each diaper
change will prevent diaper rash!
30) Most local libraries have FREE activities and story-times for
children. This can be a fun and educational experience as well as
providing you quality time with your children.
31) Be sure to form a good relationship with your child's teacher. In
doing so you are reassuring your chances of knowing what's going on in
the classroom. If there is a problem and you have good communication
with the teacher; a resolution will be much easier if you have a good
understanding of the teachers expectations and your child performance.
32) It may be necessary to explain to your child's teacher about your
home life. If you are a divorcing parent (which is a VERY difficult time
for children) let the teacher know so she can spot bouts with depression
and let you know about it. It can also help your child to have other
adults to talk too.
33) Join other single mothers nightly at 9pm CST in the Rose Garden -
www.singlerose.com - Let's Network!
34) Looking for single parent support and understanding can be tough.
Take the initiative and start a single parent support group in your home
town. It could be just what you and the community need. Be assured you
are not alone! Get started by going to the PTA./PTO meeting with the
suggestion. Bring a clip board sign up sheet ready to go. Once you've
got several people on the list you'll be surprised how easy the rest
will happen. Set a time and place for the first meeting, for example,
the school. Call a local counselor to help in discussions. Decide what
specific issues are important to your group. The possibilities are
infinite.
35) Forming a single mother support group not only gives you an
opportunity to affirm your parenting skills, it also gives you and as
well as your children the chance to make friends with other families in
similar situations.
36) Sex and Single-Parenthood! Yes, it is possible to add sex to your
life as a single parent. There are creative ways to keep this aspect of
your life safe and hot! The trick is to not let your children know about
it. For more details visit the articles page of Single Rose - Resource
for Single Mothers www.singlerose.com.
37) A child's first trip to the dentist should be scheduled after all
baby teeth have come in.
38) Never go anywhere with an infant without a cloth diaper, or other
such 'burp rag'. Always cover your shoulder with it when holding her to
protect against unwanted stains, as well as to help with unexpected
clean-ups.
39) Layout your children's clothing the night before (with their help if
old enough) to speed things up in the mornings. It lessens last minute
frustrations and avoids morning disagreements.
40) Savings bonds are a simple, hassle-free way to save for your
children's education. The interest may even be tax-free when used for
education. See your accountant or the IRS www.irs.ustreas.gov for
details.
41) A positive attitude is one of the best ways to help your children
become happy, well-adjusted, socially.
42) Children learn from example. What did they learn from you today?
43) Being a single mother homeowner can be difficult if you're not
mechanically inclined. Here's a suggestion, barter services with a male
friend or neighbor. For example: You have a leaky faucet and plumbers
are expensive. Perhaps can do some mending, cooking or baby-sitting for
a male friend in exchange for him fixing your faucet.
47) If you are divorcing and will be the custodial parent, make certain
your attorney sets up a withholding order to garnish child support from
your ex's pay-check at the same time your divorce decree is prepared.
48) Garnished wages help everyone involved. a. It helps the mother and
children by not having to argue with/wait for the father to cut the
check, b. Helps the father because the child support office keeps
detailed records on payments received and disbursed.
49) Some attorneys actually do pro-bono work! Meaning, they take on a
few cases for FREE! Just open the phone book and start calling, or call
your local women's shelter for referrals.
50)Keep lines of communications open with your creditors. If you are
behind on your house or car payments explain your situation to the
lenders. They may have options like deferred billing to help you out.
51) To adjust your visitation schedule with your ex-husband, try and
stay flexible. Trading off weekends with him when he requests it could
be beneficial to you. You can be sure there WILL come a time when YOU
need to switch weekends and need him to be flexible.
52) Keep your ex-husband informed as much as possible about the
children's school and other activities. Regularly send copies of report
cards and pictures. Being well informed might make him more receptive to
contributing (time/money) to the kids.
53) Do NOT use your children as messengers. If your ex-spouse needs to
know about something, pick up the phone and call him. It is not the
children's responsibility, nor is it fair to place them in that
position.
54) As difficult as it may be, refrain from saying negative or nasty
things about the children's father. Children love their dad no matter
what and will look at these negative, nasty comments as reflections of
themselves.
55) Keep the lines of communication open with the ex-in-laws, even if
they (ex-in-laws) do not! Occasionally send photos or call to remind
them of an important date, like the kids birthdays. You want to be the
good guy all the time.
56) Make time for family activities at least weekly. Declare one night a
week as "family night." This will help reinforce your family unit! Let
each family member have a turn deciding what activity to do for his/her
night. Examples: Rent/go to a movie, bake cookies, play miniature golf,
go to an arcade, visit a museum or ride bicycles.
57) Do NOT use your children as sounding boards. Do not dump on your
kids about their father or your financial woes. Children have enough to
think about in their own worlds! When you need to discuss these matters
with someone, call a family member or friend or visit the Single Rose -
Resource for Single Mothers web site at www.singlerose.com for support.
58) Divvy up the chores! School aged children are quite capable of
picking up their own rooms and carrying their cleaned off plates to the
sink. Have them sweep the porch or pick up the yard. My children (ages 6
& 9) make their own lunches which helps me tremendously. They also feel
a sense of pride in having some responsibility.
59) Call the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement in Washington
at 202-401-9200.
60) For a complete listing of each states Office of Child Support
Enforcement web sites and phone numbers go to
Federal Office of Child Support web site
61) The Single Rose - Resource for Single Mothers Child Support
Collection Program connects mothers/fathers with attorneys to collect
past due child support. The program is currently available only in
Dallas Ft Worth. For more info click singelrose.com
62) Decide what you are going to wear the night before. Lay as much out
as you can. Lay out your child(ren)'s clothes, diapers, slippers/shoes,
and coats the night before, too!
63) Have a "to-do" list laying out each morning. You will not feel so
rushed and will probably be less forgetful.
64) Use a bulb syringe (dropper) to give medicine to infants and
toddlers. It's less messy and more accurate when giving doses in ml. Be
sure to rinse it well with warm water after each use. Air dry.
65) Have a damp towel or washcloth ready when giving medicine.
66) Before sitting down to dinner, be sure the napkin holder has an
ample supply. Also, have a wet washcloth at the table for little messes.
67) Clean pots, pans, and other cooking items as you cook. Let hard to
clean items soak during dinner. If more soaking is required, gives the
kids a bath then come back to them.
68) If you have a cellular phone, turn it on when you are otherwise "out
of reach". Never dial when driving. Wait until stopped at a stop light,
or pull over into a parking lot. Distracted drivers cause as many
accidents as those under the influence. Nothing is more important than
the safety of those in and around your car.
69) To prevent accidents near the fireplace, shield edges and corners
with large throw pillows. Be sure to remove them when the fireplace is
lit. Do not replace them until the fireplace is cool with no embers.
70) Keep a fabric-covered ice pack ready in the freezer. Even a cold
compress in an old, clean sock will do!
71) Little one teething? Have two (2) teething rings in the freezer,
then there's always one frozen. Store them in a plastic bag, as freezer
items from the grocery store are dirty. Remember, this will be going in
your little one's mouth!
72) To ease teething pain, wrap an ice cube in a washcloth and secure it
by holding it, or with a rubber band. NEVER leave a child alone or
unsupervised with anything that might become a choking hazard. Besides,
they are more easily comforted when the parent/caregiver are holding and
soothing them at the same time.
73) Frame special pictures and hang in your child's own 'art gallery'.
Dedicate a shelf or other such space to display art that cannot be hung.
74) If possible, present a united front to teenagers regarding "house
rules" for both parents houses. If your teenagers weekend curfew is
9:30pm at Moms house, it need to be 9:30pm at Dads house. Children need
stability at this critical time in their lives. When the hormones start
to take over trouble can begin; but if both parents are openly
communicating with each other and their teenager, they can help steer
the child through these trying times.
75) A flexible routine is a lifesaver for my family. Each night after
dinner, everyone does their homework, takes a bath and gets ready for
bed. After that routine the children make their lunches and get their
backpacks assembled for the next day. When our school-night routines are
finished and we're in our pajamas, we sit together on the couch for few
moments to catch up on the days events or we spend that time piled on
somebody's bed to read or maybe pillow fight before we go to sleep.
76) Tax tip: The IRS publishes a helpful brochure on tax implications of
divorce, Publication No. 504. One cardinal rule: alimony is taxable
income to the spouse receiving payments, and deductible by the paying
spouse. Child support is neither taxable nor deductible.
77) Tax tip: For parties with children, the custodial parent claims the
children as dependency exemptions unless the parent signs a release, IRS
Form No. 8332, and the non-custodial parent attaches the form to his/her
tax return. CUSTODIAL PARENTS: DO NOT DO THIS. You will be taking money
out of your own pocket.
78) Tax tip: How do I file? Can one separated spouse decide
independently to file "married, filing separately" without agreement
from the other spouse? Yes. Sometimes the relationship is so bad between
separated spouses for whatever reason one spouse doesn't want to file a
joint return anymore with the separated spouse even though the total tax
liability would be lower on a joint return. A joint return creates a
joint liability for all the tax regardless of whom the income belongs
to; where lack of trusts exists, separate returns become necessary. The
spouse who decides to file separately then forces the other spouse to
file separately. There are several tax issues that result from this
decision. One is if one spouse itemizes, the other must also. A decision
about who gets what deductions also becomes an issue.
80) Use discretion when it comes to dating and bringing men into your
home. You don't want your children to see your bedroom as a revolving
door.