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One of the common problems that I see in my private counseling practice is a couple who has one or more very young children who receive most (all?) of the couples’ time, attention and energy. Both parents think the child needs all of them and often does get all of them. As a result, the couple has little left over for each other—and the marriage can start to weaken. Often they don’t even notice this as they are so busy and so tired. Three or four years later they may be sitting in the office of a marriage counselor.
If one has, and wants to maintain, a two parent home it’s critical to find time, get help, schedule time together, swap babysitting nights with close couple friends or whatever is needed in order to spend some quality time together as husband and wife. And note that I didn’t say as mommy and daddy.
 See side bar for information on Sharon's wonderful books for elementary-age children. There is a discounted price on the 5-book series that even includes a darling Nicholas puppet.
See "The Nicholas Collection" at www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott .
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A few guidelines I suggest are:
1. Take turns planning this couple time—aim for two to four times per month.
2. Be creative! Think of things you used to have fun doing prior to the children. Avoid the same activity over and over as many people never venture beyond going to a restaurant or seeing a movie. I’ve had couples once again fly kites, play tennis, go sit by the pond at the park, go dancing, take the dogs walking, cook a meal together, daydream—you get the idea.
3. During this special couple time, avoid talking about the children, finances or problems. No whining or complaining—think of interesting topics to discuss ahead of time. This is a time to reconnect as a couple—not as parents.
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One of my couple clients had an assignment to go on a “date.” He wanted to plan the first one and had something special arranged. The afternoon of their date, his wife called him saying that the baby was sick and there was no way they could leave the baby with a sitter. He completely understood. However, later driving home, he had a brainstorm. He stopped off at the grocery store and bought a few snack items. Upon arriving home, he checked on the baby who was sleeping quietly. He then took the baby monitor, a blanket and the refreshments outside and invited his wife to spend a little time gazing at the stars together.
Fun couple activities are critical to the success of the marriage especially in early child-rearing years. They help the couple to strengthen their bond, relax, enjoy each other and look forward to a lifetime together—long after the children have grown up and moved away.
P.S. Please see my other column Counselor's Corner: Responding to Your Kids "Yucky" Days
Copyright © 2008, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission.
Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, has been making a difference in peoples’ lives for 30 years though her international keynotes and workshops, her eight award-winning books, and her private counseling services. Five of her books are a charming series for elementary-age children that she “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas. Each beautifully illustrated book teaches a valuable living skill such as managing emotions in Life’s Not Always Fair, building character in Nicholas’ Values, and making wise choices in Too Smart for Trouble. Sharon’s best-seller for teens is How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed. Her books are available from HRD Press, 800-822-2801 or www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott . For more information on Sharon’s many workshop topics that she can bring to your child’s school or community, please see her website at www.SharonScott.com.
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Books That Work! By Sharon Scott
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