A lovely 15 year-old girl in my private counseling practice reminded me recently of the importance of parents looking at their children with kind, loving eyes. I greeted this girl and asked her about her day. She said it was okay, but sounded sad. When I inquired further, she replied, “When my mother picked me up from school, she didn’t even greet me. She never does. She just asks about my grades. And this morning when I got up and walked into the kitchen, she looked at me funny. When I said “What?” she told me that I had too much eye make-up on and that my T-shirt was wrinkled.” I’m working with this adorable girl, an A student, for low self-esteem. Who really needs the work here?

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This reminded me of a client from years ago. The 14 year-old boy was working below his potential in school and was brought in by his parents. His father was highly intelligent and a famous musician. His musical talent, of course, required perfection—and I think he expected it from his son as well. When the father discussed the daughter, also a musician, he beamed with pride. In my office, every time the father turned to look at his son or converse with him, his expression changed to almost a scowl. It was so obvious, yet he was totally unaware of his look of disdain.

I hope that you notice more of the good things about your children than their imperfections. Everyone wants their children to “do better,” however, it is critical that they hear—and see—more comments and looks of pride and joy from us. So when you look at your children, I hope this reminds you to gaze at them as you did the very first time you saw them. When we see someone we love, our eyes brighten and soften , the eyebrows go up, and a smile appears. The look on your face that makes them know you think they are precious will help them go far in this world!

Copyright ©2007, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.

P.S. Please see my other column, “The Counselor’s Corner,” concerning peer pressure and its link to discipline.

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