John Gottman, Ph..D., the country’s leading relationship expert, in his classic book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has a game he calls The Love Map. I often use it with couples I am counseling in the spirit of laughter and gentle fun to expand and deepen their knowledge of each other. The questions he lists are intended to be asked of each other so that each will have a more detailed love “map” about one another’s life.

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I sort of played this with my mother during the holidays by asking her questions about when she and Daddy met, what music they listened to, who their friends were, about the night I was born (25 minutes after midnight—I’ve always been a “night” person! And the fact that the doctor who delivered two babies back to back told my father that I was a fine baby boy!), favorite vacations, family companion animals, etc. Much of this I had heard before, but I had forgotten bits of it and she always seems to add a memory I’ve never heard before.

Why not play a similar game with your child? You can each ask one another the same question and then guess how the other person will answer. If you guess correctly, you get a point. Obviously it’s not a game about winning, but children often like to keep score. I will begin a list of possible questions for you and your child to have fun discussing:

1. What is my favorite color?
2. Who are my two closest friends?
3. Where was I born?
4. What is my favorite flower?
5. What is my favorite meal?
6. What is my favorite sport?
7. What do I fear the most?
8. What is my all-time favorite movie?
9. Which holiday is my favorite?
10. Name two famous people I admire.
11. Name two relatives I admire.
12. What foods do I hate?
13. What was my most embarrassing moment?
14. What is my favorite animal?
15. If I could be anything in this world that I wanted to be, what would I choose?
16. Name my major rival or enemy.
17. Where would I like to go on vacation some day?
18. Who is my favorite musical group?
19. Which sport team is my favorite?
20. What makes me feel most confident?

I suggest you break the above questions into discussing about five at a time. Another day discuss the next five and so on. I hope that you add your questions and this Love Map continues!

Copyright © 2009, Sharon Scott. No reproduction without written permission from author.

P.S. Please see my other column, The Counselor’s Corner, about Cyberbullying

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