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Julie and Anna (not their real names) were sisters who could not stand the sight of one another—they fought constantly. Julie was 15 and known as the smart one—she was an honor student and an accomplished pianist. Anna, age 13, was drop dead gorgeous and not a good student as boys were more important to her than studying, so she was known as the pretty one. They had wonderful parents who did not compare their daughters, but others did. The parents brought them to me for counseling because their dislike for one another was terribly disrupting to the family.
After several sessions, I gave the entire family the FFA homework assignment. They all looked shocked as they wondered how Future Farmers of America would help their family. I laughed and told them that FFA stands for something different to me! I frequently give families with whom I work the FFA assignment that stands for Fun Family Activities.
 See side bar for information on Sharon's wonderful books for elementary-age children. There is a discounted price on the 5-book series that even includes a darling Nicholas puppet.
See "The Nicholas Collection" at www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott .
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After going through the five steps to establishing a successful fun family activity from my book, Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed ., the parents commented to me after the girls had left the room, “You go on the FFA with them. We’ll be miserable. They hate each other.
I told them to do this even if it starts off poorly. I cautioned them to not let the girls alter their dream to have a cooperative family that had fun together. They followed the “take turns” system I’d suggested of planning the activity so that each person is responsible for planning family fun. The father drew #1 so he selected the first activity.
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This creative man made up this silly idea that caused them all to laugh (that is, after they had to almost force the girls to get into the car!). Before leaving the driveway, he said, “We’re going out to eat to someplace new. I’ll give a clue every ½ mile as to where we’re going. Each of you (including the mother) gets one guess as to where I’m taking you. If someone guesses where we’re going before the last ½ mile, then that person gets to select a dessert that we’ll all share. If no one gives the correct answer, then I get to select the dessert for us to share.”
Lots of laugher ensued. I’m not going to tell you that the FFAs always went smoothly. They didn’t. However, I told the parents to carry on acting as if they were having a good time and to continue them even though they might at times be frustrated. And it wasn’t an option whether or not to go on the FFA. So this family did many things that spring: miniature golf, picnic, bike riding, kite flying, baking cookies together, feeding the ducks at the park, board games, and more. By the end of the summer, the father called and told me that his daughters were in their backyard sunbathing and gossiping about boys! They were actually enjoying each other’s company. Fun Family Activities made a huge difference in this family’s life. It can in yours too.
Copyright, 2007, Sharon Scott. Excerpted in part from Sharon’s book Peer Pressure Reversal: An Adult Guide to Developing a Responsible Child, 2nd Ed. (www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott).
P.S. Please see my other column, “The Counselor’s Corner,” on the power of praise.
Sharon Scott, LPC, LMFT, has been making a difference in peoples’ lives for 30 years though her international keynotes and workshops, her eight award-winning books, and her private counseling services. Five of her books are a charming series for elementary-age children that she “co-authored” with her savvy cocker spaniel Nicholas. Each beautifully illustrated book teaches a valuable living skill such as managing emotions in Life’s Not Always Fair, building character in Nicholas’ Values, and making wise choices in Too Smart for Trouble. Sharon’s best-seller for teens is How to Say No and Keep Your Friends, 2nd Ed. Her books are available from HRD Press, 800-822-2801 or www.hrdpress.com/SharonScott . For more information on Sharon’s many workshop topics that she can bring to your child’s school or community, please see her website at www.SharonScott.com.
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