Nine Surefire Ways to Repulse Your Tween
Jessica Velasco – ( tongue in cheek humor )
Have you been looking for ways to drive a wedge between you and your tween?
Want to embarrass him at every possible opportunity?
Want to make life as difficult as possible? Don’t worry, we have you covered. Follow these simple steps and your tween will be totally annoyed in no time.
1. Just say
No. No matter what the question is, just say no. Don’t get more information. Don’t think about it. Don’t weigh the options. Forbid any and all activities your tween wants to partake in. This is especially effective if it deprives your tween of precious time with her friends.
2. Kiss, kiss! Anytime you drop off your tween at a friend’s house, at school, at football practice demand a good-bye kiss. A rib-crushing hug and verbal declaration of affection (ie I love you too, Mom) will have the same effect.
3. Spit, spot clean. Lick your thumb and then clean off any remaining breakfast crumbs. This strategy works infinitely better if there is an audience.
4. Sing it, baby! The next time you tween’s favorite pop song comes on the radio, sing along. Better yet, crank a really old or super romantic tune. Variations that will enhance this move:
· Singing while driving your tween’s carpool
· Opening the windows so everyone at the stoplight will appreciate the jam too
· Choosing a song you aren’t entirely sure about all the lyrics
· Rocking out even if you can’t carry a tune
5. Put it in writing. Don’t forget to share your words of wisdom and uplifting, encouraging messages with your tween at every available opportunity. For example, tuck a note that says, Good luck on your test today, or I’m so proud of you! in her lunch box. It will be especially delightful when her peers at the lunch table notice.
6. Come here, Sweetie! Did you have a particularly affectionate pet name for your child when he was growing up? Don’t stop using it! Let Baby Cakes know just how you feel about him especially when his friends or potential girlfriend are around.
7. Such a cute baby! When your tween is occupied with his buddies or his new lady friend, there isn’t much for you to do. Want a way to stay entertained? Pull out all of your tween’s baby pictures. This tactic is sure to make everyone happy. You’ll get to reminisce over that cute snap of your son’s first bath and fondly recall his adorable chicken Halloween costume. Your tween’s friends will surely enjoy this activity too.
8. “I’ll do it!” Volunteer for absolutely everything you can think of. Suggestions include (but are not limited to) class trips, career day, youth group outings, lunch monitor, and fundraisers. Perhaps the most important role you should volunteer for is dance chaperone.
9. Speak their language. At every available opportunity, interject common tween words into your convo. Hottie, LOL, epic, and OMG are just a few suggestions. Before long, your tween will be texting KMN.
If the suggestions on this list aren’t effective, don’t panic. There are plenty of other tactics you can implement. In the meantime, return to the top of the list and repeat each step over and over.
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