halloween-skeleton

Skeleton Jokes

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body

Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone appetit !

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What type of art do skeletons like?
A: Skull tures

Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can’t fool me, I can see right through you.

Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson
motorcycle?
A: I’m bone to be wild!

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.

Q: What do you give a skeleton for valentine’s day?
A: Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones.

Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A: Napoleon bone-apart

Q: What instrument do skeletons play?
.A: Trom-BONE.

Q: What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A: Because he didn’t have the stomach for it!

Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q: Why are skeletons usually so calm ?
A: Nothing gets under their skin !

Q: Why do skeletons hate winter?
A: Beacuse the cold goes right through them !

Q: Why are graveyards so noisy ?
A: Beacause of all the coffin !

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party ?
A: He had no body to go with !

Q: What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks ?
A: They had a rattling good time !

Q: Why did the skeleton go to hospital ?
A: To have his ghoul stones removed !

Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
A: He could feel it in his bones !

Q: What’s a skeleton’s favourite musical instrument ?
A: A trom-bone !

Q: How do skeletons call their friends ?
A: On the telebone !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?
A: Lazy bones !

Q: What do boney people use to get into their homes ?
A: Skeleton keys !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who acts in Westerns ?
A: Skint Eastwood !

Q: What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew !

Q: What do you call a skeleton snake ?
A: A rattler !

Q: What is a skeletons like to drink milk ?
A: Milk – it’s so good for the bones !

Q: Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night ?
A: He was a numbskull !

Q: What do you call a stupid skeleton ?
A: Bonehead !

Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire too long ?
A: He became bone dry !

Q: What happened to the lazy skeleton ?
A: He was bone idle !

Q: Why did the skeleton pupil stay late at school ?
A: He was boning up for his exams !

Q: What sort of soup do skeletons like ?
A: One with plenty of body in it !

Q: Why did the skeleton run up a tree ?
A: Because a dog was after his bones !

Q: What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend ?
A: I love every bone in your body !

Q: Why wasn’t the naughty skeleton afraid of the police ?
A: Because he knew they couldn’t pin anything on him !

Q: How do skeletons get their mail ?
A: By bony express !

Q: Why don’t skeletons play music in church ?
A: They have no organs !

Q: What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off ?
A: Bone china !

Q: Why do skeletons hate winter ?
A: Because the wind just goes straight through them !

Q: What’s a skeleton’s favourite pop group ?
A: Boney M !

Q: What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road ?
A: Jump out of your skin and join him !

Q: What did the old skeleton complain of ?
A: Aching bones !

Q: What is a skeleton ?
A: Somebody on a diet who forgot to say “when” !

Q: What happened to the skeleton that was attacked by a dog ?
A: He ran off with some bones and didn’t leave him with a leg to stand
on !

Q: Why are skeletons so calm ?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin !

Q: What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies ?
A: A boney phoney !

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to play football ?
A: Because his heart wasn’t in it !

Q: What happened to the skeleton who went to a party ?
A: All the others used him as a coat rack !

Q: What do you call a skeleton who presses the door bell ?
A: A dead ringer !

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: How did skeletons send their letters in the old days?
A: By bony express!

Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A: Tickle his funny bone!

Halloween vampire

Vampire Jokes

Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A: Count Duckula
Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank

Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I’m afraid of the light!

Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory

Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.

Q: What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood?
A: The non-Suckers section.

Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He’s a pain in the neck.

Q: What do you call Count Dracula’s cookout?
A: Vampire camfire.

Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: “Hello, pleased to eat you!”

Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles.

Q: What is Dracula’s position in baseball?
A: Batboy

Q: Who is the Dracula’s super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul.

Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank.

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.

Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
A: His ghoul friend!

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA:
A: Long distance.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
A: A know-it-all, that’s really a pain in the neck.

Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door.

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.

Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he’s a bat-chelor.

Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.

Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
A: “Mommy, turn off the switch. I’m afraid of the light!”

Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire.

Q: Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home?
A: Because he was coffin too much.

Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops!

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.

Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test.

Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
A: Can’t you count Dracula!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite game?
A: Bat-miton.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: He had bat breath.

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA:
A: Long distance.

Q: Why didn’t Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul!

Q: What is Count Dracula’s favourite snack?
A: .A fangfurter !

Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ?
A: A jampire !

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
A: A blood hound !

Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?
A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite sport ?
A: Batminton !

Q: What happened to the mad vampire ?
A: He went a little batty !

Q: What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day ?
A: A coffin break !

Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
A: In bite sized pieces !

Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ?
A: The Isle of Fright !

Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ?
A: It was in his blood !

Q: Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?
A: The ghoulscorer !

Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?
A: I don’t know but it would slow him down !

Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?
A: Ghouldilocks !

Q: Why did the vampire go to hospital ?
A: He wanted his ghoulstones removed !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite drink ?
A: A bloody mary !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite dance ?
A: The fangdango !

Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?
A: Ghouldfinger !

Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?
A: Newfangled rubbish !

Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?
A: He wanted something to get his teeth into !

Q: What happened at the vampires race ?
A: It finished neck and neck !

Q: Where did vampires go to first in America ? A: New Fangland !

Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ?
A: All the blood relations went !

Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?
A: A fangster !

Q: What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve ?
A: “Auld Fang Syne” !

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?
A: He had fang decay !

Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
A: You look like your going to the dogs !

Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
A: Fangsgiving day !

Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
A: Join his fang club !

Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
A: Because blood is thicker than water !

Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula’s favourite ?
A: Veinilla !

Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?
A: It wanted to play squash !

Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won’t get stake !

Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
A: Send your name, address and blood group !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite animal ?
A: A giraffe !

Q: Why was the young vampire a failure ? A: He fainted at the sight of
blood !

Q: What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad !

Q: What’s Dracula’s favourite coffee ?
A: Decoffinated !

Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?
A: A bite in shining armour !

Q: What does a vampire bath in ?
A: A bat tub !

Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?
A: Fangs very much !

Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?
A: Coffin medicine !

Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ?
A: Fang mail !

Q: What’s Dracula’s favourite soup ?
A: Scream of tomato !

Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?
A: A bat mat !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite dance ?
A: The vaults !

Q: What do romantic vampires do ?
A: Neck !

Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?
A: Because they make themselves cross !

Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ?
A: Terror, terror on the wall… !

Q: What is a vampire’s favourite film character ?
A: Batman !

Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
A: Because it’s a drain in the neck !

Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first
child?
A: Frostbite

Q: Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.

Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.

More Halloween Jokes, Poems, Stories and Songs

https://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/halloween-vampire.pnghttps://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/halloween-vampire-150x150.pngSue MillerHalloweenHalloween,Halloween crafts,Halloween Jokes,halloween recipes,homemade Halloween costumes,scary foods for Halloween,skeleton jokes,vampire jokesSkeleton Jokes Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest? A: No bodyQ: What do skeletons say before they begin dining? A: Bone appetit !Q: When does a skeleton laugh? A: When something tickles his funny bone.Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party? A: It had no body to dance with.Q: What...Parenting Advice and Family Fun Activities