Famous Quotes |
| Science is to see what everyone else has seen but think what no one else
has thought. |
Albert Szent-Gyorgyi |
| Every now and then when your life
gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like
a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at
least a pint of ether. |
H.S. Thompson |
| Like having your own licence to print money. |
Lord Thomson of Fleet |
| I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get
somewhere. |
James Thurber |
US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961) |
| Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in
awareness. |
James Thurber |
US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961) |
| If I have any beliefs about
immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. |
James Thurber |
US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961) |
| It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you
live near him. |
J. R. R. Tolkein |
| When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship. |
Harry S Truman |
33rd president of US (1884 - 1972) |
| Know the masculine, keep to the feminine. |
Lao Tzu |
| Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. |
Kurt Vonnegut |
US novelist (1922 - ) |
| Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it
to keep in touch. |
Robert Orben |
| I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of
ours. |
Kurt Vonnegut |
US novelist (1922 - ) |
| In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes. |
Andy Warhol |
US artist (1928 - 1987) |
| A week is a long time in politics. |
Harold Wilson |
(1916 - 1995) |
| If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would
ever get done. |
Wittgenstein |
| Resistance is useless. |
Doctor Who |
| Good place to put things--cellars. |
Doctor Who |
| Rest is for the weary, sleep is for the dead. |
Doctor Who |
| I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. |
Robert Bloch |
US horror & science fiction author
(1917 - 1994) |
| First things first, but not necessarily in that order. |
Doctor Who |
| Logic merely enables one to be wrong with authority. |
Doctor Who |
| Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another. |
Doctor Who |
| It may be irrational of me, but human beings are quite my favorite
species. |
Doctor Who |
| According to classical aerodynamics, it is impossible for a bumblebee to
fly. |
Doctor Who |
| The very powerful and the very
stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their
views...which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts
that needs altering. |
Doctor Who |
| I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. |
Frank Lloyd Wright |
US architect (1869 - 1959) |
| If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know? |
Steven Wright |
US comedian and actor (1955 - ) |
| If God dropped acid, would he see people? |
Steven Wright |
US comedian and actor (1955 - ) |
| If toast always lands butter-side
down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? |
Steven Wright |
US comedian and actor (1955 - ) |
| If you can spend a perfectly useless
afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. |
Lin Yutang |
| If it is to be, it is up to me. |
Unknown |
Quotations by unknown authors |
| The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. |
Unknown |
Quotations by unknown authors |
| Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind. |
Marston Bates |
| Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. |
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Quotations by unknown authors |
| Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. |
Unknown |
Quotations by unknown authors |
| Education is what you get from
reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it. |
Unknown |
Quotations by unknown authors |
| Fishing gives you a sense of where
you fit in the sceme of things - Your place in the universe...I, mean, here I am, one small guy with a fishing pole on
this vast beach and out there in the blue expanse of ocean are these hundreds
of millions of fish...laughing at me. |
Unknown |
Quotations by unknown authors |
| The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader
catch his own breath. |
Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart |
| My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping. |
Rita Rudner |
US comedian |
| I was born because my mother needed a fourth for meals. |
Beatrice Lillie |
| He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating. |
Ayn Rand |
US (Russian-born) novelist (1905 -
1982) |
| The phone company handles 84 billion
calls a year --- everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth. |
Lilly Tomlin, as Ernestine the Operator |
| Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. |
Lily Tomlin |
US actress & comedienne (1939
- ) |
| Instant gratification is not soon enough. |
Meryl Streep |
US actress (1949 - ) |
| Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. |
Denise Klahn |
| Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him. |
Minna Antrim |
| The natural superiority of women is a biological fact, and a socially
acknowledged reality. |
Ashely Montagu |
| The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing --- and
then they marry him. |
Cher |
US actress & singer (1946
- ) |
| Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. |
Suzanne Necker |
(1739 - 1794) |
| Not only have women been successful
in entering fields in which men are supposed to have a more natural aptitude, but they have created entirely new
businesses. |
Lucretia P. Hunter, ``The Girl Today, The Woman Tomorrow\ |
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| I never realized until lately that women were supposed to be inferior. |
Katherine Hepburn |
| Canadians are cold so much of the time that many of them leave
instructions to be cremated. |
Cynthia Nelms |
| I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. |
Erma Bombeck |
US author & humorist (1927 -
1996) |
| Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. |
Carole Burnett |
| In New York City, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage
space. |
Judith Stone |
| I told my mother-in-law that my
house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.\ |
Joan Rivers |
US comedienne (1935 - ) |
| Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose
your rest home. |
Phyllis Diller |
| To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.\ |
Rita Rudner |
US comedian |
| Give a man a fish and he has food
for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend. |
Zenna Schaffer |
| We owe something to extravagance, for thrift and adventure seldom go hand
in hand. |
Jenny Jerome Churchill |
| Her only flair is in her nostrils. |
Pauline Kael |
| To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep. |
Joan Klempner |
| It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought
without accepting it. |
Aristotle |
Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC) |
| Anyone with more than 365 pair of shoes is a pig. |
Barbara Melser Lieberman |
| Brevity is the soul of lingerie. |
Dorothy Parker |
US author, humorist, poet, & wit
(1893 - 1967) |
| A hundred years for now? All new people. |
Anne Lamott |
| When the sun comes up, I have morals again. |
Elayne Boosler |
| If Shakespeare had to go on an
author tour to promote <br>Romeo and Juliet<br>, he never would have written <br>Macbeth<br>. |
Dr. Joyce Brothers |
US psychologist & television personality (1928 -
) |
| Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. |
Jules Renard |
(1864 - 1910) |
| I rely on my personality for birth control. |
Liz Winston |
| I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was
a cake in it. |
Lesley Boone. |
| Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out. |
Adrienne Gusoff |
| Never do anything yourself that others can do for you. |
Agatha Christie |
English mystery author (1890 -
1976) |
| How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own? |
Zsa Zsa Gabor |
US (Hungarian-born) actress (1919
- ) |
| Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. |
Rita Mae Brown |
US author and social activist |
| Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes. |
Jackie Onassis |
| My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been
one. |
Groucho Marx |
US comedian with Marx Brothers
(1890 - 1977) |
| Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. |
Ernestine Ulmer |
| Travel, instead of broadening the mind, often merely lengthens the
conversation. |
Elizabeth Drew |
| The only aspect of our travels that is interesting to others is disaster. |
Martha Gellman |
| Life is hard. After all, it kills you. |
Katherine Hepburn |
| My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a
trick knee. |
Phyllis Diller |
| Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. |
Maryon Pearson |
| An intellectual snob is someone who
can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. |
Dan Rather |
US television newscaster (1931
- ) |
| I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that they
just about throw up. |
Barbara Bush |
US wife of George Bush 1945 (1925
- ) |
| The sins of the fathers are often visited upon the sons-in-law. |
Joan Kiser |
| Things are always darkest just before they go pitch black. |
Kelly Robinson |
| Having something to say is overrated. |
Adair Lara |
| A book of quotations . . . can never be complete. |
Robert M. Hamilton |
| His voice was a intimate as the rustle of sheets. |
Dorothy Parker |
US author, humorist, poet, & wit
(1893 - 1967) |
| Art is one thing that can go on mattering once it has stopped hurting. |
Elizabeth Bowen |
Irish novelist & short story author
(1899 - 1973) |
| The worst moment for an atheist is when he feels grateful and has no one
to thank. |
Wendy Ward |
| Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. |
Helen Rowland |
(1876 - 1950) |
| There are no ugly women, only lazy ones. |
Helena Rubenstein |
| God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as
indefensible as infanticide. |
Rebecca West |
Irish critic, journalist, & novelist
(1892 - 1983) |
| Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. |
Thomas H. Huxley |
English biologist (1825 - 1895) |
| A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it. |
Katharine Whitehorn |
| Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of
shins. |
Mae West |
US movie actress (1892 - 1980) |
| We want far better reasons for having children than not knowing how to
prevent them. |
Dora Russell |
| A good listener is not someone with
nothing to say. A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. |
Katharine Whitehorn |
| Politeness is one half good nature and the other half good lying. |
Mary Wilson Little |
| Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix? |
Elayne Boosler |
| Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth. |
Lillian Hellman |
US dramatist (1905 - 1984) |
| The most merciful thing in the
world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. |
H. P. Lovecraft, "The Call of Cthulhu", first line |
US horror & supernatural author
(1890 - 1937) |
| One has a greater sense of
degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience. |
Alice Jones |
| Every year, back come Spring, with
nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants. |
Dorothy Parker |
US author, humorist, poet, & wit
(1893 - 1967) |
| It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be. |
Brigitte Bardot |
| People call me a feminist whenever I
express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute. |
Rebecca West |
Irish critic, journalist, & novelist
(1892 - 1983) |
| Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. |
Edward Teller |
US (Hungarian-born) physicist
(1908 - 2003) |
| Once a woman has forgiven a man, she must not reheat his sins for
breakfast. |
Marlene Dietrich |
German movie actress (1901 - 1992) |
| I thought I told you to wait in the car. |
Tallulah Bankhead, on seeing a former lover for the first time in years |
US movie actress (1903 - 1968) |
| One of the most difficult things to
contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you
have also lost your mind. |
Jean Kerr |
| Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. |
George Eliot |
English novelist (1819 - 1880) |
| Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue. |
Virginia Woolf |
English novelist (1882 - 1941) |
| Doctors and nurses are people who give you medicine until you die. |
Deborah Martin |
| Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool. |
Jane Wagner |
| Man is the only animal that learns
by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite. |
Jean Kerr |
| Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real
life. |
Simone Weil |
French social philosopher (1909 -
1943) |
| The older one grows, the more one likes indecency. |
Virginia Woolf |
English novelist (1882 - 1941) |
| You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. |
Indira Gandhi |
Indian politician (1917 - 1984) |
| I am ashamed of confessing that I have nothing to confess. |
Fanny Burney |
| There are some people who leave
impressions not so lasting as the imprint of an oar upon the water. |
Kate Chopin |
| When mom found my diaphram, I told her it was a bathing cap for my cat. |
Liz Winston |
| Living in a vacuum sucks. |
Adrienne Gusoff |
| A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits. |
Woodrow Wilson |
28th president of US (1856 - 1924) |
| Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either
homosexual or really smart. |
Becky Rodenbeck |
| Van Gogh became a painter because he had no ear for music. |
Nikki Harris |
| In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting
fifty percent of publicity. |
Lauren Bacall |
| Falling out of love is very enlightening. For a short while you see the
world with new eyes. |
Iris Murdoch |
British novelist (1919 - 1999) |
| Every little girl knows about love. It is only her capacity to suffer
because of it that increases. |
Francois Sagan |
| She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. |
Margot Asquith |
| Nobody speaks the truth when there is something they must have. |
Elizabeth Bowen |
Irish novelist & short story author
(1899 - 1973) |
| Being an old maid is like death by
drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle. |
Edna Ferber |
US author (1887 - 1968) |
| When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to
work for a living. |
Helen Rowland |
(1876 - 1950) |
| It should be a very happy marriage --- they are both so much in love with
him. |
Irene Thomas |
| The ultimate indignity is to be given a bedpan by a stranger who calls
you by your first name. |
Maggie Kuhn |
| Women want mediocre men, and men are working to become as mediocre as
possible. |
Margaret Mead |
US anthropologist & popularizer of anthropology (1901 - 1978) |
| One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on
something witty. |
Jane Austen |
English novelist (1775 - 1817) |
| A man is so in the way in the house. |
Elizabeth Gaskell |
| Probably the only place where a man
can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release. |
Germaine Greer |
| Interestingly, according to modern
astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where
they have left things. |
Woody Allen |
US movie actor, comedian, & director
(1935 - ) |
| Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody. |
Agatha Christie |
English mystery author (1890 -
1976) |
| The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to
have any. |
Katharine Whitehorn |
| We met Dr. Hall in such deep mourning that either his mother, his wife,
or himself must be dead. |
Jane Austen |
English novelist (1775 - 1817) |
| I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me that trouble of
liking them. |
Jane Austen |
English novelist (1775 - 1817) |
| In New York City, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. |
Charlotte Perkins Gilman |
| As I grow older and older,
<br> And totter toward the tomb, <br> I find that I care less and
less <br> Who goes to bed with whom. |
Dorothy Sayers |
| This is on me. |
Dorothy Parker, suggested for her tombstone |
US author, humorist, poet, & wit
(1893 - 1967) |
| Dear Mary: We all knew you had it in you. |
Dorothy Parker, telegram to friend who had given birth |
US author, humorist, poet, & wit
(1893 - 1967) |
| They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see
nothing but sea. |
Sir Francis Bacon |
English author, courtier, & philosopher (1561 - 1626) |
| Each has his past shut in him like
the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title. |
Virginia Woolf |
English novelist (1882 - 1941) |
| Politeness is half good manners and half good lying. |
Mary Wilson Little |
| When you were quite a little boy, somebody ought to have said ``hush\ |
, |
, |
| Fortunately, psychoanalysis is not
the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself remains a very effective therapist. |
Karen Horney |
| Daughters go into analysis hating
their fathers and come out hating their mothers. They never come out hating themselves. |
Laurie Jo Wojcik |
| The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds
left undone. |
Harriet Beecher Stowe |
US abolitionist & novelist
(1811 - 1896) |
