Relationships- Couples: When She Earns More Than He Relationship Advice for Couples
Venusia Brings Home More Bacon than Marshall
Perhaps Marshall recently lost his job due to economic bad times in banking or real estate or perhaps Venusia just finished her degree and was recently promoted to management.
The resulting salary (and power) reversals between Martian and Venusian can alter the balance and spell trouble for a relationship.
Of course, this only becomes a problem if that balance is suddenly shifted. If the relationship began with the Venusian making more money than the Martian, he has already decided to accept it as the norm.
We all know that traditional models, with the man as the sole or primary breadwinner, do not necessarily apply any longer. Today’s relationships have evolved into much more equal or even reversed partnerships.
However, a Martian’s sense of self is still defined through his ability to achieve results. He often considers his career and moneymaking capabilities as primary in his life. A man is motivated when he feels needed and if he cannot provide for his family at the level to which he is accustomed, he may become depressed and irritable. He is also likely to withdraw to his cave to try to find a solution, silently and alone.
This behavior, in turn, can cause the Venusian to become resentful because she defines her sense of self through the quality of her relationships. She will feel rejected just when she wants him to share in her excitement about her new management position.
Or she may be exhausted from working the overtime required by her new job, or simply for extra money to compensate for what he can no longer bring in. She may also want him to take responsibility for more of the household chores as she spends more time away.
Mindfulness, sensitivity and understanding are required by both partners to navigate these treacherous waters of power sharing without sinking the relationship.
Things that may help in the storm
Marshall can appreciate having an intelligent, successful woman as his partner. He can take pride in her accomplishments as well as the fact that she has chosen and continues to choose to be with him.
Venusia can let Marshall know that he is still vitally needed for his love, affection, and ability to make her happy.
Venusia can ask directly for what she needs from him then trust him to fulfill her request.
Marshall can consider increasing his earning potential by changing careers or taking the opportunity to further his education.
Venusia can sincerely thank him for any additional tasks he performs.
Venusia can lower her standards for tidiness and home maintenance and realize there is not enough time to accomplish everything.
Marshall and Venusia can invest some time each day or evening to reconnect with each other and have some fun EVERY DAY. It’s most important to remember why they fell in love and why they want to remain together.
Both Marshall and Venusia can recognize that men and women’s traditional roles have drastically changed for most of today’s couples. They are not alone in their journey to forge a new path. They can call upon on friends or family or a coach who have been trailblazers for guidance and support.
Melodie Tucker is a Mars Venus Success Coach and Seminar Leader, trained by Dr. John Gray, author of the world famous "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" series.She has helped men and women all over the world create great relationships that last.
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