New Year Resolution Jokes

You know its time for a New Year's Resolution to Lose Weight when:

You step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please!"

You're wearing a yellow suit and people two blocks away yell, "Taxi!"

You put on your Honda instead of getting into it.

It time to resolve to make more money when:

You were robbed, all the robber got was practice.

New Year Resolution to Get Healthy and Slow Down Aging:

I have a good memory. It's just short.

Jack Sprat could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean. And so, you see, between them both, Their cholesterol averaged mean.