January 1st: "I will learn to sleep standing up."
March 1st: "I won't fall asleep behind the wheel."
January 1st: "I will find at least one pair of matching socks."
March 1st: "Finding one pair of matching socks is statisically
identical to being hit with a meteor, while vacationing in Florida."
January 1st: "I will use only one email address."
March 1st: "I will go from eight to seven email addresses."
January 1st: "I won't send SPAM anyone this year on my computer."
March 1st: "Why can't I send SPAM if I want to? I grew up eating the stuff."
January 1st: "I will serve only totally organic meals to my family."
March 1st: "I will limit serving fast food to my family to just twelve meals a
January 1st: "I will exercise every single day in 2009, for at least one hour."
March 1st: "I'll buy a DVD of the 2008 Olympics and watch it for 30 minutes a
January 1st: "I will not only wash, but also dry all our dirty dishes,
immediately after each meal."
March 1st: "I will train my cat to dry dishes, the dog already washes them."
January 1st: "I will remember my own birthday and celebrate in a special way."
March 1st: "I will somehow forget how old I am."
January 1st: "I will make a time for reading each day in 2009."
March 1st: "I will read the back of grocery store receipts to see if I have earned
enough points to get for free, the featured Teflon cookware."
Mommy's "Up too Late" Night Before Christmas Poem
By Cheryl Moeller
Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
The children were sleeping,
Even my spouse.
I was searching for the stockings, I looked under a chair,
But under the cushion found rippled potato chips there.
The children had not wanted to go to their beds,
As visions of Easy Bake Ovens danced in their heads,
Exhausted I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep,
Till rudely awakened by the sounds of BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
The relatives made it here hurray after all,
Now it would truly be a complete Christmas ball,
The children were awakened, and with them hubby Steve,
by Grandpa Alexander and Grandma Eve.
As the hot cocoa that night so generously flowed,
I noticed something under the sink that seemed rather old,
It was the stockings I had sought for hidden inside a container.
Only they had been used last week as a handy spaghetti strainer.