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Parenting Humor

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Booster Seat Driving

by Alana Morales

My five year old son, who knows everything and will tell you so at the drop of a hat, is learning how to read. I remember when he first started reading and he discovered he could read traffic signs. It was great in that he was transferring his skills to a place outside the classroom and such, but give me a break. That's all well and good, but do you know how difficult it is to drive with a five year old yelling directions from the back seat?

Today we had to take my daughter to dance class and the entire time I had to deal with him yelling at me.

"Mom, the sign says "Keep Left"

"Mom, the sign on the other side says "Keep Right""

Mom, this one says "Keep Left" and you aren't keeping left!"

I tried to explain that when you drive between barricades, it says "Keep Right" and "Keep Left" so you know to stay in the middle. He just didn't get it.

His backseat driving doesn't stop with me. He even yells at other cars when we drive. This morning he was yelling at the car in front of us to drive. We do have a lot of snowbirds out here in Arizona, but this morning it was just your average commuter who was the target of his barrage.

"Gosh, Mom, doesn't that guy know how to drive? He needs to not stop his car." "What do you mean son? It's a red light."

Again, he was a little confused. You see, when he looks out his window, he sees the lights for the traffic that intersects the road we are on. He doesn't quite get this concept yet either.

The kicker was when we drove past the place where my daughter's class was last year. My daughter saw that we had passed the place and started crying. My son lovingly placed his hand on her arm and told her "Don't worry sweetie, we're still going to get you to your dance class today. IF Mom knows where she is driving to."

Yup. So instead of just dealing with a kid who tells me how to drive in construction zones and yells at other drivers so I don't have to, I also get a kindergarten GPS heckler.

Now, if I could only find some construction zone signs that said "Be Quiet."

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If you are a new stay at home mom, Domestically Challenged can help! It will help you deal with trying to keep the kids and yourself entertained, while keeping on top of all the domestic duties you face. You'll even find ways to make time for yourself (imagine that).

Alana Morales taught high school English for six years before becoming a writer. She is a co-host on the new online radio show Mom Writer's Talk Radio ( Her first book, Domestically Challenged, is due out in May 2006. You can order her book at

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