We have six children. Our third one graduated from college this month. Three down and three to go.
It takes up so much money buying all those graduation gifts and time attending the graduation ceremonies. I have decided to give you some tips on how to save money and time by preventing graduation in the first place. That way you you would be free of all the worries that come with school.
Ten Ways to Keep your Kids from Getting Those Annoying Diplomas
1. Don't graduate yourself.
(It's a proven fact that your kids have a greater chance of not graduating; if you don't bother to graduate yourself.)
2. Save money. Ban all library cards. Otherwise you might end up getting a library fine.
(Eliminate the problem before it gets started. Instead of risking the chance of a library fine; tell your kids that books are not their friends.)
3. Criticize (in front of your kids) friends, neighbors, and family members that waste "all that time" studying.
(Keep your compliments and congratulations to yourself.)
4. Remark to your kids that hanging out in front of 7-11 really has its benefits.
(Spare your kids the headaches that come with academic competition.)
5. Forget you picked your own major. If your kids somehow make it to college, force your kids into signing up for a major that you like, but they don't.
(Push, don't guide; that encourages flatline goals in a child.)
6. Always reset their alarm to noon; remembering that they need their rest.
(Wouldn't want to disturb the Prince or Sleeping Beauty before their time...)
7. Charge your kids tolls for use of the computer to do research.
(Make it financially unprofitable for your child to study.)
8. Replace the pictures of those who have graduated in your family with pictures of Larry, Moe, and Curly.
(It's a long standing tradition and who will want to break it?)
9. Tell your kids that they can either have $100,000 in cash or that you will pay for their college education. It's their choice.
(After all, they are 18.)
10. Go to college when you want to go. Why waste your youth cramped up with boring people?
(Why waste the best years of your life preparing to make ten times the amount those that don't go to college earn in a lifetime?)