Pregnancy and a Husband’s Support
By Melissa Inglod
Do you feel as though your husband is unsupportive of your current pregnancy?
You are not alone. Many women experience feelings of disregard for their present condition. I am now pregnant with my second child, first baby for my husband. We were not planning to have more children for at least another year, but surprise, surprise. I was on a highly effective form of birth control, yet this baby unexpectedly made itself known.
When I told him I was pregnant, there was no big shout for joy, but rather a quiet, “oh,” response. I on the other hand was completely ecstatic, I was already thinking of the day I would be able to hold this baby in my arms. I was so happy, that at first I figured once my husband got used to the idea he would glow with pride also.
However, that did not seem to happen. He just went on with business as usual, whereas I was carrying this precious life inside me. I am aware of our baby’s presence everyday. I felt horrible for the first 2 months, and I received no sympathy what so ever. I craved a little nurturing and adoration for my suffering, but instead, found that he was unaware of my distress. The more I thought about my husband’s reaction to our pregnancy, the more I began to understand where he was coming from. Women care for their child for nine months, give birth to it, and are responsible for its upbringing, but where does the man fit in?
Women have gone through pregnancy, birth, and have been taking care of children since the beginning of time. What is the man’s role and how does he figure it out? Men feel no need to worry about an unborn baby, because they are not able to see it with their eyes and are able to easily forget its existence. Men are visual beings, as we should know from other areas of relationships that I will not go into to. Anyway, they need to see this baby to believe in it. They are told it is there, that it exists yet they cannot see it.
Men do not know where to step in and take part; they feel out of place and need to be told what they should be doing. Encouraging them, and informing them of everything going on during the pregnancy is a good place to start. Show them pictures of the developing fetus, they may not appear to be interested, but they really are. They are just as curious about their baby as we are, they just don’t know how to express it as well as we do.
I am now 4 months pregnant and I told my husband how important it was for me to have him accompany me to the ultrasound. He reluctantly gave in and went with me. When the technician brought my husband back into the room to look at the baby on screen, the baby was moving all over the place. He was visually seeing his unborn child for the first time, and reality dawned in his eyes. From that moment on, I vowed to keep him involved by showing and telling him how, rather then staying quiet and expecting him to.
Unlike women, men do not seem to notice emotions and, body language the way we do. When you think about it, it really is unfair for us to expect them to. If you feel your husband is unsupportive of your pregnancy, the best way to deal with it is to come right out and tell him. When you do, I hope you will notice a change in him. Nevertheless, remember to keep him informed and up to date throughout the pregnancy, because it truly is important to him.