by Kellie Strausser
Recently, I learned how to use a laminating machine. I found the whole process to be quite enjoyable. Call me strange, but I started thinking, theoretically, what if it were possible to laminate a human being? To be more specific, what if it were possible to laminate a man? Being a single woman who has had a fair share of relationships, this idea seemed quite appealing to me. If it were humanly possible to laminate someone, the process could prevent many disappointments, roadblocks and surprises.
The lamination process involves taking a piece of paper, or whatever you are laminating, placing it just the way you want it between two sheets of plastic, smoothing over any wrinkles and placing it inside another protective barrier to put through the machine. The heat from the machine, and the process of running it through, seals the paper between the plastic, forever keeping it undamaged and perfectly in place. Just the way you want it. When the laminating process is over, you can pretty much do anything short of burning the laminated piece and it will stay the way you made it. It will be sturdy, clean and without any flaws.
So, if I could laminate the man of my very unrealistic dreams, wouldn't that be the perfect way to "preserve" him? Every relationship goes through a process of honing and refining our-selves and our significant other into what works for the relationship. So if I could get a man to where I want him, in all aspects, and then quickly laminate him into that mold, I wouldn't have to contend with any other struggles throughout the duration of the relationship. He would be perfectly preserved, free of flaws, sturdy and clean. He would be neatly placed where I want him.
As I write about laminating my perfect man, I'm fast realizing how boring that would be. He would be stuck in a permanent state of nothingness. Perfect, but untouchable. If I'm trying to preserve all of the good things and get rid of the bad, I will have no surprises, no hope and nothing to strive for. The relationship would then end anyway, because it would be completely and utterly mundane. Funny how these ideas seem so good at the beginning, and when you really think it through, you realize flaws are what give us our character and strength. Flaws and idiosyncrasies are what make us all different from each other. They make us laugh and cry and able to reach out to one another. Laminating would make this impossible. You could never break through. I think I'll stick to paper.
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