Halloween Jokes– Witches Jokes and Ghost Jokes from Families Online Magazine
Witch Jokes – Ghost Jokes – Halloween Fun
Q: Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms?
A: They’re afraid of flying off the handle!
Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray
Q: How does the witch know what time it is?
A: She looks at her witch-watch.
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!
Q: What does a witch kid want for Christmas?
A: A haunted dollhouse.
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So, they would know which witch is which!
Q: How do witches tell time?
A: With a witch watch.
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
Q: What does a witch ask for when she is in a hotel?
A: Broom service.
Q: What did one witch say to other when she asked for a lift?
A: “There’s always broom for one more.”
Q: When do witches cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day.
Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.
Q: What do you call a motorbike that belongs to a witch?
A: A brrrooooommmm stick
Q: Who was the most famous witch detective?
A: Warlock Holmes
Q: What do they teach in witching school?
Q: Why does a witch ride a broom?
A:Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A:A broom closet.
Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
Q: What do witches eat at Halloween ? A:Spooketti, halloweenies, devils
food cake and booberry pie !
Q: What story do little witches like to hear at bedtime ?
A:Ghoul deluxe and the three scares !
Q: How does a witch tell the time ?
A:With a witch watch !
Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the washing machine ?
A:She wanted a clean sweep !
Q: What do you call two witches that share a room ?
A:Broom mates !
Q: What noise does a witch’s breakfast cereal make ?
A:Snap, cackle and pop !
Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called ?
A:An itchy witchy !
Q: What’s a cold, evil candle called ?
A:The wicked wick of the north !
Q: What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round ?
A:A witch in a revolving door !
Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside ?
A:A witch dressed as a cucumber !
Q: What happens if you see twin witches ?
A:You won’t be able to see which witch is witch !
Q: Why did the witch give up fortune telling ?
A:There was no future in it !
Q: Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in blotches ?
A:Because it was an ‘appy rash !
Q: What does a witch get if she is a poor traveller ?
A:Broom sick !
Q: How did the witch almost lose her baby ?
A:She didn’t take it far enough into the woods !
Q: Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge ?
A:She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings !
Q: Where did the witch get her furniture ?
A:From the ideal gnome exhibition !
Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the wash ?
A:She wanted a clean sweep !
Q: What has six legs and flies ?
A witch giving her cat a ride !
Q: What has handles and flies ?
A: A witch in a dustbin !
Q: What is evil and ugly and bounces ?
A: A witch on a trampoline !
Q: What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital ?
A: With any luck you’ll soon be well enough to get up for a spell !
Q: What do witches race on ?
A: Vroomsticks !
Q: Why do witches scratch themselves all the time ?
A: Because they’re the only ones who know where a witch itches !
Q: Why did the witch wear a green felt pointy hat ?
A: So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen !
Q: How can you tell when a witch is really ugly ?
A: When a wasp stings her it closes his eyes !
Q: Why did the witch go over the mountain ?
A: Because she couldn’t go under it !
Q: How do witches tell the time ?
A: By looking at their witch watches !
Q: What’s the best way of talking to a warty witch ?
A: By telephone !
Q: How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ?
A: By her suntan !
Q: What is evil, ugly and goes at 125 mph ?
A: A witch on a high speed train !
Q: How is the witches team doing ?
A: They’re having a spell in the first division !
Q: Have you heard about the good weather witch ?
A: She’s forecasting sunny spells !
Q: What did one witch say to another when they left the cinema ?
A: Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom !
Q: What is a witches favourite book?
A: Broom at the top !
Q: What’s the witches favourite pop group?
A: Broomski Beat !
Q: What makes more noise than an angry witch?
A: Two angry witches !
Q: What’s the best way of seeing a witch?
A: On the television !
Q: What did the witch write in her Christmas card?
A: Best vicious of the season !
Q: What do you get if you cross a flea and a witch?
A: Very worried dogs !
Q: What do little witches like to play at school?
A: Bat’s cradle !
Q: What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
A: Every time she sneezed her hat blew off !
Q: What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV host?
A: The producer said that she had the perfect face for radio !
Q: What kind of music do witches play on the piano?
A: Hag-time !
Q: What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends?
A: A witch with a blindfold !
Q: Why did the witch join the football club?
A: Because she heard they were looking for a new sweeper !
Q: What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites?
A: Don’t bite any witches !
Q: What should you expect if you drop in on a witches home unexpectedly?
A: Pot luck !
Q: What do witches sing at Christmas?
A: “Deck the halls with poison ivy….”
Q: What is old, ugly and blue?
A: A witch holding it’s breath !
Q: What do you call a witch that climbs up walls?
A: Ivy !
Q: Why was the witch late for the party?
A: She’d lost her witch-watch !
Q: What do you call a witch with one leg?
A: Eileen !
Q: What is old and ugly and goes beep beep?
A: A witch in a traffic jam !
Q: Why is a witch like a candle?
A: They are both wicked !
Q: Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse?
A: She kept having Disney spells !
Q: Why did the witch wear yellow stockings?
A: Because her grey ones were at the cleaners !
Q: What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
A: A witch in soggy shoes !
Q: What usually runs in witches’ families?
A: Noses !
Q: What goes cackle, cackle, boom? A: A witch in a minefield !
Q: What happens to witches when it rains?
A: They get wet !
Q: What is black, old & ugly and has four wheels?
A: A witch on a skateboard !
Q: What do you call an old hag that lives by the sea?
A: A sandwitch !
Q: What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch?
A: One composes and the other decomposes !
Q: What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A: A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t give a hoot !
Q: Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
A: Because she thought everybody loved her !
Q: Why won’t a witch wear a flat hat?
A: Because there is no point in it !
Q: What do you call a witch that stays out all night?
A: A fresh air freak !
Q: What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg?
A: A cold spell !
Q: Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
A: Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky !
Q: What do you call a witch by the side of the road with her thumb out?
A: A witchhiker !
Q: What is the favourite subject of young witches at school?
A: Spelling !
Q: Why did the witch consult an astrologer?
A: She wanted to know her horror-scope !
Q: What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S?
A: One make spells and the other spell makes !
Q: What do little witches do after school?
A: Their gnomework !
Q: Why do witches ride on broomsticks?
A: Because it’s quicker than walking !
Q: What’s a witches favourite film?
A: My Fear Lady !
Q: What do witches say when they overtake each other?
A: Broom, broom, broom !
Q: Why do witches get good bargains?
A: Because they like to haggle !
Q: What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
A: One’s a hunted stag and the other is a stunted hag !
Q: Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?
A: She had never learnt to spell properly !
Q: What goes cackle, cackle, bonk? A: A witch laughing her head off !
Q: What are baby witches called?
A: Halloweenies !
Q: What do you call a witches motor bike?
A: A baaaarrrroooooooommmm stick !
Q: How can you tell if a witch has a glass eye?
A: When it comes out in conversation !
Q: What is the witches motto?
A: We came, we saw, we conjured !
Q: What happens to a witch when she loses her temper while riding her
A: She flies off the handle !
Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the “w” !
Q: What do you call a nervous witch?
A: A twitch !
Q: What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
A: Hex-aminations !
Q: What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
A: A very witch person !
Q: How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea?
A: Out of flying saucers !
Q: What do witches ring for in a hotel?
A: B-room service !
Q: Who’s the fastest witch?
A: The ones that ride on a vroom stick !
Q: Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy !
Q: What kind of jewellry do warty witches wear on their wrists?
A: Charm bracelets !
Q: Why didn’t the witch sing at the concert?
A: Because she had a frog in her throat !
Q: What do you call a witch Who drives really badly?
A: A road hag !
Q: What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
A: Run !
Q: What happened to the naughtly little witch at school?
A: She was ex-spelled !
Q: Why did the witch buy two tickets to the zoo?
A: One to get in and one to get out !
Q: What sound does a witch make when she cries?
A: “Brew-hoo, Brew-hoo” !
Q: Why should men beware of beautiful witches?
A: They’ll sweep them off their feet !
Q: Is it true that a witch won’t hurt you if you run away from her?
A: It all depends on how fast you run !
Q: How does a witch make scrambled eggs?
A: She holds the pan and gets 2 friends to make the stove shake with
Q: How do you make a witch float?
A: Blend two scoops of ice cream, and one witch!
Q: What does a witch enjoy cooking most?
A: Gnomelettes !
Q: When can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
A: You can hear their brooms tick !
Q: How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?
A: With scare spray !
Q: What do you call a pretty and friendly witch?
A: failure !
Q: Why are witches fingernails never longer than 11 inches?
A: Because if they were 12 inches they’d be a foot !
Q: What do you do if a witch in a pointy hat sits in front of you at the
A: Miss most of the film !
Q: Why is a witches face like a million dollars?
A: It’s all green and wrinkly !
Q: What’s evil and ugly and goes up and down all day?
A: A witch stuck in a elevator !
Q: What do you call a witch you likes the beach but is scared of the
A: A chicken sandwitch !
Q: Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive?
A: The witch !
Q: What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks?
A: Broom mates !
Q: What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
A: To keep their hats pointed !
Q: Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
A: That’s the time to go to sweep !
Q: What did the witch say to the ugly toad?
A: “I’d put a curse on you but it looks like someone beat me to it” !
Q: Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin?
A: Ever tried broomstick pie?
Q: What’s the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick?
A: Don’t fly off the handle !
Q: What did the young witch say to her mother?
A: Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !
Q: Why do witches wear pointy black hats?
A: To keep their heads warm !
Q: Why are black cats such good singers?
A: They’re very mewsical !
Q: When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
A: When your a mouse !
Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat with Father Christmas?
A: Santa Claws !
Q: What do witches cats like for breakfast?
A: Mice krispies !
Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat with a canary?
A: A peeping tom !
Q: What do you call it when a witches cat falls off a broomstick?
A: A catastrophe !
Q: Why did the witch feed her cat with pennies?
A: She wanted to put some money in the kitty !
Q: What did the black cat say to the fish?
A: I’ve got a bone to pick with you !
Q: What do you call a witches cat that drinks vinegar?
A: A sour puss !
Q: What do you call a witches cat with no legs?
A: Anything you like, she won’t be able to chase you !
Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat and a canary?
A: A cat with a full tummy !
Q: What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass?
A: A lawn miaower !
Q: What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and goes round and round?
A: A black cat stuck in a clothes dryer !
Q: What did the black cat do when its tail got cut off in an accident?
A: He went to a retail store !
Q: What do witches cats strive for?
A: Purrfection !
Q: What is a little witch’s favorite subject in school?
Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: “Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares.”
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
.A: Dayscare centers.
Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A: Boo boos.
Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich.
Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: The Eerie canal, Lake Eerie ! or Mali-Boo
.Q. What’s a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A: The roller ghoster.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store.
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office.
Q: What’s a ghosts favorite fruit?
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best ?
A: A dead end !
Q: What did the baby ghost eat for dinner ?
A: A boo-loney sandwich !
Q: What do you call a ghost’s mother and father ?
A: Transparents !
Q: How did the ghost song and dance act make a living ?
A: By appearing in television spooktaculars !
Q: What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains ?
A: Boo-ts and ghoul-oshes !
Q: Why are ghosts bad at telling lies ?
A: Because you can see right through them !
Q: What did the ghost teacher say to her class ?
A: Watch the board and I’ll go through it again !
Q: How do ghosts learn songs ?
A: They read the sheet music !
Q: What is a ghost’s favourite day of the week ?
A: Frightday !
Q: Where do ghosts get an education ?
A: High sghoul !
Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son ?
A: Don’t spook until your spooken to !
Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.
Q: What do you call a prehistoric ghost ?
A: A terror-dactyl !
Q: Who speaks at the ghosts’ press conference ?
A: The spooksperson !
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: Howdo you boo, sir?
Q: What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
A: Boo boo’s!
Q: Why did the ghost go to the amusement park?
A: He wanted to go on a rollerghoster !
Q: Who’s the most important member of a ghost’s football team ?
A: The ghoulie !
Q: When does a ghost have breakfast?
A: In the moaning.
Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries, Scream of Wheat or Dreaded wheat !
Q: What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
A: Coffee with scream and sugar.
Q: What is a ghost’s favourite dessert ?
A: Boo-Berry pie with I-scream !
Q: What do ghosts dance to ?
A: Soul music !
Q: Where do ghosts live ?
A: In a terrortory !
Q: What color are ghosts?
Q: When do ghosts usually appear ?
A: Just before someone screams !
Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite ride?
A: A roller ghoster!
Q: What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars ?
A: Sheet belts !
Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner ?
A: Ghoulash !
Q: What kind of ghost has the best hearing ?
A: The eeriest !
Q: What does a ghost swim in?
A: The Dead sea!
Q: Who did the ghost invite to his party?
A: Anyone he could dig up!
Q: Who was the famous ghost detective?
A: Sherlock Moans.
Q: What vehicle does a kid ghost like to ride?
A: A boocycle.
Q. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
A: To get a Booster shot.
Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast
A: Dreaded wheat.
Q: How did the ghost patch his sheet?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite bird? A: scare crow!
Q: What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?
A: Boonanas and Booberries.
Q: What kind of cars do ghosts drive?
Q: What’s a ghosts favorite Broadway play?
A: phantom of the opera!
Q: What did one ghost say to another?
A: Do you believe in people?
Q: What did one ghost say to another?
A: Do you believe in people?
Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Q. What is a ghost favorite article of clothing?
Q: Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A: Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
Q: What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?
A: Time to move to a new house!
Q: What’s a ghosts favorite desert?
A: Boo-berry pie & I scream.
Q: What tops off a ghost’s ice cream sundae?
A: Whipped scream.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost ?
A: Put your boos and shocks on !
Q: Why are ghosts cowards ?
A: Because they’ve got no guts !
Q: What story do little ghosts like to hear at bedtime?
A: Ghoul delocks & the 3 scares.
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite party game?
Q: What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
Q. Why did the ghost rush home from school?
A: To watch an after-ghoul special on TV.
Q. What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel, poodle, & a ghost?
A: A cocker-poodle-boo!
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist.
Q: Who protects the shores where spirits live?
A: The Ghost Guard!
Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
A: You look boo-tiful tonight.
Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Q: Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A: He didn’t have a haunting license.
Q: What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?
A: I got a booo booo.
Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A: A boo-tie.
Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
A: Because demons are a ghosts best friend.
Q. Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?
A: With No-Body!
Q: What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Q: What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Q: What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?
Q: What do ghosts do when they’re in hospital ?
A: They talk about their apparitions !
Q: What’s the 1st thing ghosts do when they get in a car?
A: They boo-kle their seatbelts
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