potty trainingWriting Romance  With Potty Training on my mind

by Jamie Edson Opielski

If trying to write a story isn’t hard enough with the
kids playing tug of war with your sanity, then trying to
write a story and potty training is. Have you ever wished that
you could just snap your fingers or wiggle your nose and
‘zoopie’ no more poopie bottoms? I do. I’ve shamelessly tried
it. Heck, at this point I’d try or wiggle anything- if it would work.

It seems this round of potty training has been far more
difficult than my previous two adventures. This time around
has been an exhausting job all in itself. My trainees- twin
boys. Two tumbling rounds of tornadic terrors who have just
decided to put a mind deafening meaning to the word
‘tantrums’. And that folks, will be a whole new story. Now
back to the potty training and my attempt for a little Romance

Potty Training, a hazard?

The blinking cursor stalls silently as I try to gather my
proceeding thoughts. The ones I had just before the shrieking
scream of one of my sons as he was being pulled off of the potty
chair by his hair. On the other end was his impatient twin brother
dragging him with his pull-ups around his ankles, and the fight
for the throne begins. My status as mom trying to desperately
write a scene for a Romance novel turned to referee in a flat
second. As I try pulling the boys apart I’m repeating a sentence
over and over in my head and out loud. Only later to forget that
perfect scene I was about to create for my Protagonists.

>Tip: If you have Twins, get two potty chairs. It will save your
sanity in the end. And your other child will keep the hair
upon his head…

It’s times like these when I wish I had two potty chairs.
It never fails, when one tries to go the other thinks he needs to
go. But then I think ‘If I had two potty chairs, they’ll never go
at the same time’. Go figure. So ya deal with it.

Go Flush! Go Flush!

You’re scene is coming together; the weather is rough,
as you paint your story to life. You often say aloud ‘Go pee-pee on
the potty’, ‘Big boys go on the potty’, ‘Hey! Who’s got the
stinkies?’. Many times you find yourself writing a sentence
or two then blurting out one of the above phrases and then get
up to go on a double potty trip to the chair that is so fondly
fought over. After business is taking care of the fun part
comes along. Flushing. The race to the bathroom starts. I walk
behind with the detachable potty as the struggle to be first
carries on. It’s like watching two bare bottom football players
beat the hell out of each other on hopes of getting the ball.
The one behind pulls the other back by his hair and t-shirt and
begins to run only to trip and fall with his brother clinging to
his leg. Deafening squeals rock my eardrums as the leg clinger
chews on the leg he holds hostage. I interfere with skill and
grace. One screaming boy on my hip the other turning the door
knob and a tilted empty potty bowl in my hand. Just wonderful.
So there I stood with the same screaming boy on my hip, the
same boy at the door knob and a sopping wet right shoe with
a prize on top. My foot has been officially christened-
and then some.

Tip: Never try to pick up a toddler with a full potty chair
bowl, no matter how good you are.

Things got back to normal finally. I could sit back down
and write a little Romance. Or so I thought. When I went back to
do some editing this is what I read.

Dirty Little Whispers

The chilling wind was piercing. Darting upon her skin.
She pulled her coat closely around her as she continued to walk
briskly up the sloshed damp walkway.

The sherbet swirls in the sky mingled with the cherry
clouds, slowly darkening to a reddish blue. The night was bringing
on colder winds, but it didn’t stop her from smiling as she reflected
on the evenings events. Something she’s fought so hard to stay
away from has been engulfing her like a pool of quicksand.
Sucking her under like a rabid shark with his last meal. Evading
her thoughts with spine tingling numbness- and she’s liking
every bit of it.

Stephanie neared the door and a smile flirted widely
across her lips, just to diaper when she felt a large hand cover
her own. Her body froze. Fear tickled her mind and for a brief minute
the world stopped. She felt the heat from his body as he stepped in
behind her pulling her to his chest. Something felt familiar as she
leaned into him. It wasn’t until he spoke that she relaxed, nearly letting
her knees give out from under her.

‘Didn’t mean to scare you’ he whispered trailing his lips around
her ear. She let her head fall back under his chin, smiling, she said
shakily ‘Don’t let it happen again-or I’ll’

‘Or you’ll what?’ Jake asked teasingly.

Stephanie turned to face him ‘I don’t know, but I’ll think of something’
she said pointing a finger at his chest, then turned and started walking
towards the door.

‘And you’re going where?’ he demanded following close behind.
She looked at him with a smirk ‘our date is over pretty boy, see you

‘You’re just going to leave me out here in the cold?’

‘I’ve got work in the morning- and it’s late….’

‘And it’s only 9:30 at night Steph, you normally stay up till-‘

‘Quit whining, I’m only flushing your bowl. You can come in.’
Smiling at the thought, Jake regrettably replied ‘I’d love to, but I’m
flying out at 6:00 in the morning. Still gotta pack, make sure my uniform
is ready and all.’ Stephanie walked to him with her bottom lip puckered
out, ‘Oh- I forgot about that, but you’ll be back the following morning-‘

‘Yeah. It’ll be a short trip’ Jake pulled her to him and kissed her
forehead. She slid her arms under his jacket and around his waist.

The cold air taunted around them. Teasing through their hair,
sending chills through their bodies. Only drawing them closer together.
Jake nuzzled her neck sending waves of goose bumps down her back.
His warm breath delighted her skin as his kisses sprawled her neck.
The cold night disappeared; the annoying winds had calmed, the warm
kisses were enough to melt the snow surrounding them. His lips found its
way to her ear bringing alive the woman she had once been.

All of the control that Stephanie had enforced over the years slipped
away with his sweet subtle words. His teeth gently tugging her ear after
each sensuous word that set her body on fire-

‘Pee-pee-in-the-potty, Steph’ he whispered. She looked up at him taking
his face in her hands ‘yes— Jake, yes’ she panted as she kissed him hungrily.
They were in their own world as evening joggers trotted by leaving a
distant echo of their steps sloshing in the snow. The occasional vehicle
zoomed by leaving them alone once more.

‘We should go inside Jake- I’m stinkies’ she shivered against his lips.
Jake pulled her tightly to him, ‘Mmmm-I want to, I really do. I need to get
going, there’s a lot to do still.’ He looked down at her biting the ridge of her
nose lightly. ‘Why don’t you come home with me and I’ll pack you in my
suitcase.’ He cocked an eyebrow then wiggled them both making her smile.

And so, there is more. But it gets a little racy.

Tip: Always proofread. Especially if you have a lot on your mind.

In the beginning I thought that potty training twins would be
easier, in the sense of one going the other would have to too. I figured
that they would learn from each other, kind of bounce off each other.
In a way they do, but for the most part they don’t.

Eventually, we’ll succeed! Until then I’ll just sit back and laugh
at the ‘not so funny stuff at the time stuff’ that they do.


Jamie Edson Opielski

Jamie is a work at home mom living in Universal City, Texas with her husband and their four children. She is a published Poet and started her Writing/Copy Writing Business shortly after she quit working out of the home. She started submitting poetry for Families Online Magazine and later starting writing the Work at Home monthly column. Jamie expanded her horizons as a Virtual Assistant managing the help desk for Kindersigns.com. She is now the Director of Operations for Kindersigns.com and the Support Manager/Asst to the President of Bizymoms.com. Jamie also creates Character Letters for children. She published her first book Tangerine Sky- a book of poetry and short stories.

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